#I still can't believe she tried to cut me off all my meds and said I was driving while on them and she was gonna put me in jail

[heartshattering]

Time to get lost in a book since I highly doubt I'm going to be able to sleep before my doctor's appointment 🙃

[frostmoths]

Might regret posting this. cw alcohol, suicide ideation

Let me preface by saying I wrote this, and a much more emo version before, over the course of a week, and I’m feeling a little better now. It comes and goes. It's everything I’ve been handling since late May, and I want to open up about it.

I have extreme depression and recent happenings have tipped the scale to make me nearly non-functional. I started therapy and medication a year ago because of the world’s most passive-aggressive rejection. I’m way worse now. I’m on my third med and if what happened Sunday (I was very ill) was a side effect, I’m going to have to quit it too. I don’t believe in antidepressants as a cure-all and I’ve only been conceding because I’m tired of wanting to lay down and die. Not kms necessarily, just stop hurting. Though I’ve got like 10 bottles of various prescription insomnia meds which don’t do any good on their own, so maybe if I take them all at once

One weeknight in early June I tried to drink myself to passing out and forgetting what broke my heart. Instead I threw up and went to work the next day hung over. And it was an embarrassingly small amount to drink. Just that it was cheap and I had it on an empty stomach because I was too enraged to make dinner. I haven’t had alcohol since. I dumped out what was left. 

My idiot father, who has dementia, has taken to dragging his guns around everywhere because he’s paranoid they’ll be stolen, and gets angry if he's confronted about it. I’ve alerted several authorities but unless my mother complies, nothing will be done. She won’t because she’s also insane. In May I had a full nervous breakdown expecting me or my cats to get murdered. It was probably the breaking point for my short-lived girlfriend dumping me two days later. Once again my shitty family has ruined any chance of happiness for me. 

When I saw a pistol on his chairside table the other day, instead of blind panic, I felt nothing. I kind of hoped it was loaded and he’d do it, so everything would stop.

My new house is a shitshow and I got ripped off. I have approximately 6 hours a week to work on it and zero help so I’m still not moved in. At this point I hope to sell it after a couple of years of improvements (if I can afford them), get my money back, then maybe flee this godforsaken country and go live in the mountains in. Fucking Iceland. idk. My mother promised assistance for certain things and took it back because that’s what she does. I’m about ready to cut her out of my life.

I can barely eat without getting sick in one way or another. I no longer enjoy things like cooking, EDM, watching anime, and, worst of all, writing. Last month I started poking at [redacted]’s outline as a way to keep my head above water, only to realize it’s way more vague than I remember and that some parts make no damn sense. This is a thing I’ve been bragging about for 3 years as proof that I know what I’m doing, so I feel like a fool. I deleted everything I ever posted about it on my sideblog. I’m tempted to wipe what’s started off AO3. Tempted to delete the entire account tbh, too many memories which are too raw right now. I’m not a skilled writer and the pros (plural) were right to call me out on it last year. And this has been the one thing about myself I was confident in my entire life, that I was banking on making a career now that I finally, finally have my own house with peace and quiet, and now I can see I was fucking delusional. I give up.

My therapist says I have trauma and that I never healed from what happened in 2020 (not Covid-related). I can only see her every 5-6 weeks because she’s that booked. She said she argued with administration because she can't focus on her current patients but they keep throwing new ones at her. Kind of like my job. Everyone everywhere is overworked.

To cope I’ve been indulging in something that’s frowned upon — not a substance abuse thing, but an ethical thing? I guess? Among creatives. I don’t care because it helps me. My psych and my therapist both told me to seek supplemental therapy in between appointments. I think they had something more like b*tterh*lp in mind, but that’s a proven pyramid scheme so lol no thanks. Psychology books and imaginary friends it is.

My employer is closed today and tomorrow for the holiday, and I’m on vacation next week. Much-needed extended time off for me. If I don’t make headway on the house then I don’t know what. I didn’t want to spend my one week off a year moving in the middle of fucking summer during the worst heat on record. At one point I had much more pleasant plans but that’s no longer happening and I can’t think about it. I can’t, but I still do. 

I wanted this house to be my success story. Having worked hard, she rescued herself, escaped her toxic family with her fur sons and flourished creatively, healthfully, and romantically. All was well. The reality is that I was likely conned as a first-time single homebuyer and I'm so mentally ill now that I may not be able to meet the demands of maintaining a 70 year old house with nonworking appliances I can't afford to replace, let alone my own well-being. How did I get myself into this. 

There's one last-ditch effort I can make to pull myself through, but not properly until I move. It sounds like a lame excuse and it probably is, but whatever. Better later than never. However, I tried this last fall, went too hard too fast and burned out after 4 months. I threw a lot of money away doing it. I keep hearing push yourself, go intense, you'll never get there with baby steps but I also think you have to take baby steps if you're starting from zero because otherwise you'll burn out? I'm so tired of conflicting information everywhere. One tells me one thing, another says that's wrong. I can't trust anyone. 

There are a couple of other things I’m looking forward to trying more than exercise. Which are probably less healthy for me. Who is going to stop me. hashtag yolo

I keep telling myself it won’t be this way forever. Just like summer. It comes around once a year, it feels like death, and then there’s relief. But it’ll happen again and again. Just like summer. You have to adapt.

I'm glad pride month is over. I don't know what I'm supposed to be so proud of.

[marcusmettalus]

When to Smile, How to Breathe, and Where to Love. (Part 2)

(Continued from Here. Again, R'tan and Ostia belong to @rowscara)

-

"I hate her,,,"

"You've said this before Ostia. And no, you don't."

The gray haired Scion grumbles and scowls with her arms crossed over her chest, positively huffing with irritation. R'tan couldn't help but compare this puffed up woman with a puffed up kitten, an amused chuckle sneaking out as the mental image appears.

"She is insufferable,,"

"From my interactions with her, and the way she holds herself among her companions versus her peers, I believe she is quite competent and is a skilled diplomat." R'tan leans back in his seat, silently praising the craftsmen who could make an entirely wooden chair who could handle the weight of an Astartes.

The establishment the duo were taking refuge in was a manner of restaurant, the locale semi-filled with fellow chattering customers, clinking of cutlery and drink glasses while the kitchen emits savory scents and fresh cooked meals. In the background was only the numb rumbling of heavy rain and echoing thunder in the distance. Lady Noémie and Lieutenant Lukas had taken the couple here to get some peace from the paparazzi, and to get a more casual area to speak openly.

"Dame Noémie is a competent leader of her people aye, her Council Advisors bring wise words and opposing views to help shape the future of her growing worlds," Lukas spoke quietly, taking a sip from a steeped drink smelling of something spiced but faintly alcoholic ", yet Lady Ostia, you say you despise her?"

",,, not like that. She behaves so care-free around me, acting like there are no troubles or wars going on. Taking me round the city, purchasing clothes and meeting new faces,, I am not some fething Nobilis Diplomat!" Ostia glares at Lukas as her voice raises a little, R'tan reaches over to lightly place a hand over Ostia's shoulder, attempting to ease the volume.

"No, you are not. And that is exactly why she is treating you like this."

Ostia blinks briefly, caught off guard by the rather short and strange response. The previous mag-train of thought suddenly halted as Ostia tries to make sense of the answer.

"Were you an official Diplomat, like Herr Celtos, you would be treated not as a person but as an item or prisoner of war. Strict protocols of handling, communication, how much of our worlds and facilities are shown, limiting their access to various regions of their temporary abode, armed guards and the like. You would be treated fully, wholly as an Outlander, and not welcome." Lukas sets down his mug slowly while elaborating his spartan response, adding a small curl of spiced bark into the still steaming drink, stirring the burgundy beverage all the while he avoided Ostia's gaze. Those amber eyes a stark contrast to the dark oaken locks tied back in a tight braid, gazing down into his little task.

"Wait,, Ostia is not seen as an Imperial Agent? How was she allowed then to enter your Realm?" R'tan raising a brow, still trying to figure out the fellow Astartes across from him.

"Noémie simply listed Lady Ostia as her guest of the Realm. Ergo, Ostia is a guest of Karseille who is simply is tagging along while Noémie is attending her meeting with the High King." Lukas took a slow sip from the mug, breathing in the spiced fumes as if savoring a morning blossom freshly plucked from the meadow. Those cursed eyes that Ostia can't quite get over, despite everything, turned now to gaze at the Scion.

"The High King, who you will meet come dawn."

"Watch your tone whe-"

"Here we go everyone; one serving of stektfläsk o raggmunk med råröda lingön, one of Croque Madame with soft poached gåsägg, one half serving of poulet rôti, and one Nasigören'. Enjoy your meals~"

R'tan's retort getting cut off by the waitress arriving with a wide serving platter, setting down each meal before the respective seats, the wide set of colors and smells hitting all three persons. Whilst the waitress peeled away to take care of other customers, Noémie made her reappearance and took her seat by Lukas.

"Apologies, had to take a short call, but look at this divine assortment we have~ hope you have a good appetite." Noemie clapped her hands excitedly before digging into her meal. Ostia gives a short glance over to R'tan before looking down at her meal.

An actual hot meal. Not rations, not food made in a mess hall, nor wild greens scavenged from the field. Half of a roasted fowl with some manner of sauce, rough cut vegtables and greens along with,, what are these golden wedges? Picking one up with her fingers, Ostia bites into it,,, a brief crisp crunch and a pillowy interior greets her.

Its delicious.

And then dips the wedge into the sauce.

(Will try and see if can make a Part 3 for this mini-series, so long as its cool with Rowscara that is.)

(Characters involved; Lt. Lukas Tova, Grand Dame Noemie Durand, Lady Ostia Haldus, and Brother R'tan Esatar)

[its-nebula]

Discovering S/O's Narcolepsy

You were in the library with him, helping him pick out books.

He was talking to you about which ones he preferred, and which ones were "atrocious garbage".

"And please, S/O, make sure you don't bring me any more romance novels this time."

You rolled your eyes and went to the Historixal Fiction section, when all of a sudden you started to yawn. You huffed as you tried to fight it, but slowly, your eyelids started to close.

You suddenly felt as if you hadn't slept in weeks, and before you knew it, your eyes had completely shut, and you quickly went to sleep.

When you woke up, you slowly opened your eyes to see your head on your boyfriend's lap, his light blue eyes scanning the page of the book in front of his face as he held you close. And you were sitting on a beanbag? He never sits in those!

"Next time, warn somebody about your condition before you make somebody have a heart attack."

His eyes never even left the words on the oage, but you could tell he'd been concerned about you.

After you walked through the door, you set your bag down and smirked at Chihiro. You asked if he was up for a game.

"Of course! I'll be right back, let me get settled in first."

As he went into his room, you picked out a game the two of you would enjoy. Mario Kart seemed like a good option for now! You started to boot up the game, when all of the sudden you felt the familiar drowsiness.

Looks like you forgot to take your medication again. Still, you didn't want to ruin your time with Chihiro, so you fought to stay awake.

Once he came back and you two started to play, you could feel yourself starting to doze off.

"Come on, S/O! You're starting to fall behind and...huh?"

He looked to see you were sleeping soundly, and he couldn't help the way his heart melted as you just looked so cute while sleeping. He was a little surprised, of course, but he ultimately paused the game and scooted over so that you could sleep across his lap, as he started to pet your hair.

As soon as you woke up, you saw Chihiro's smiling face, and you immediately felt guilty, explaining you had Narcolepsy.

"You don't need to apologize to me! You looked like a little angel to me. But promise me you'll take your meds, okay?"

You two were studying.

You couldn't focus, as you kept rubbing your eyes and yawning. You tried your hardest to tell Nagito you were fine, but he wasn't believing it for a second.

"I'm sorry to disagree with you, S/O, but something just tells me you haven't been getting enough sleep and- huh?!"

You collapsed on to the desk, knocked out. His eyes widened in surprise as he tried to shake you.

"S/O? Are you alright?"

He was relieved to see you were just sleeping, but he was still concerned. Not knowing what else to do, he slowly pulled you off the table and into his arms, so you could at least be comfortable.

He carefully looked up the symptoms on his phone.

"Narcolepsy, huh?"

He looked at how peaceful you looked, and sighed.

"I'll let you rest now, My Hope, but you better explain when you wake up..."

You and Gundham were playing with the Devas.

You gave Maga-Z a sunflower seed, and turned to Gundham, asking for more.

As he left to find more, you pet Maga-Z on the head, but you were surprised to find that you'd started seeing hallucination around you. You tried to blink to get rid of them, but you swore you witnessed San-D turn into a fox.

Before you knew it, you were face down on the floor, causing the Devas to panic.

"It appears I may need to purchase more- S/O?!"

The Devas start squeaking, and he's panicking. Chickens squwak from the next room over, and dogs bark. Chaos ensues.

Luckily, you wake up before he can start perform a ritual to wake you up again. He immediately rushes to your side, asking if you're alright. You explain to him about your Narcolepsy.

"I see. So what you're saying is, the Gods have cursed you with a dastardly sleeping sickness?!"

Something like that, Gundham.

San-D brings you your medication from your bag and everyone calms down.

He was a little sleepy himself while eating dinner with you.

"So anyways, you'll never guess what Tenko said to me after that! She totally... eh?"

He noticed how your eyes started to close and he rolled his eyes.

"So what, you're mocking me? Reeeeaaal funny, S/O! You know I sork hard being with D.I.C.E all day long, YOU'RE SO MEAN!"

Before he starts his crocodile tears, you're already asleep. He pokes you with his fork to make sure you're actually asleep.

By the time you wake up, you immediately recognize you're in Kokichi's bedroom, and he's laying down next to you, seemingly out of breath.

"Yeah...I carried you...heh, more like dragged...anyways, goodnight, Sleeping Beauty!"

He nuzzles his head into the crook of your neck. You decide it's best not to question it, and happily snuggle next to him.

He'd walked over to your house as you requested. He has a spare key, so he can go in and out as he pleases.

When he saw you not moving on the floor, he let out a very high pitched squeak, probably one that most humans can't hear.

Immediately, he checks your pulse and your heart, and he's relieved to see you're still breathing.

You syart to wake up, and he blushes when he realizes just how close he is to you.

"Y-You scared me! I thought you-"

You cut him off and guiltily apologized for scaring him, explaining your Narcolepsy to him.

He breathed a long sigh of relief, smiling.

"Take your meds, S/O. Don't scare me like that!"

Looking for bugs in a nearby field.

You watched as Gonta happily pranced around, looking at every catepillar and worm that he could possibly see.

Unfortunately, despite the sun shining in your dace, you got drowsy. So drowsy, in fact, that you collapsed in the field.

"S/O! Gonta think that he found silver beetle!"

He turned around to show you, but you were nowhere to be found. He frowned, and started to look in the spot that you were just in.

"S/O...?"

His eyes widened to see you sleeping, and he gasped. Without thinking, he picked you up and quickly ran back to the car, carefully placing you inside. When your eyes opened, all you saw was Gonta's panicked face.

"DID S/O GET HURT BY BUG?! S/O ALLERGIC TO BEES? WHY NOT TELL GONTA?!"

You calmly explained that you'd just fallen asleep, and that you were tired.

"Oh... S/O nap in car then! Gonta will bring back pretty bugs for S/O to look at when he's finished!"

You take a nap in the car, thankful to have such a loving boyfriend.

[bakubub]

In which racer!kuroo is your roommate, and seems to only like it when you treat his wounds... (word count: 1.9k)

Ngl quite proud of this one!!

Warnings: 18+, a whole lot of swearing, a whole lot of blood, innuendos and implied nsfw, reader almost vomits (NOT from pregnancy chill, I know we're all scarred but its going to be just fine) and if you're squeamish perhaps skip the scene where reader stitches his wound?

Also bit of a disclaimer: I am in NO WAY a med student and literally all of my knowledge is from movies and other fics... so if you acc know what to do in this situation this may be a torturous for you :D

All due credits go to @aikk00​ for this AMAZING fanart!!!!

I watch as my roommate enters the penthouse, once again scratched up and bleeding, covered in so much blood there is no possible way that it was all his- if it was he would not be standing.

I launch myself off the couch- where I was sitting for the past hour nervously waiting for his return- and slip my arm under his, supporting him as we inched towards the bathroom.

"I can do this by myself you know," he grumbles, his grimace revealing just how much pain he was actually in.

"Mhm, I'm sure you can. Just like you boiled that poor egg by yourself last week, hmm?" I say sarcastically, trying to keep my mind calm and clear, because oh my god it looks really bad this time...

"Oi, its not my fault it fuckin' exploded," he mutters, voice laden with pain.

"You put it in the microwave because 'the shitty water wasn't doing its job.' Of course it would explode," I say, gently seating him on the closed toilet seat and taking out my supplies that I unfortunately have become rather accustomed to using. He's made it a habit to get himself injured.

"Where's the injury?" I ask, setting down my half-empty bottle of antiseptic and box of bandages. He peels off his shirt, cringing at the pain it brought him as the fabric was stuck to the gash that went from his left pectoral down to the middle of his chest.

"Pissed off a bidder after winning a race, fucker took out a knife once he realised he couldn't beat me up," he huffs out, arrogance still lacing his tone even with sweat dripping down his brow as he leans the back of his head onto the tile wall behind him. His Adam's apple bobs down his bloodstained neck as he speaks, and I quickly look away, focusing on the injury at hand.

Not his blood soaked, but nevertheless well defined pectoral muscles, nor the abs that my hands occasionally brush up against and know how hard they really are, and definitely not the trail of black hairs that lead down, down, down...

"What's wrong, the view too hot to focus on the work at hand?" He asks suggestively, raising his pierced brow, even in this state.

I'm quick to reply, having gotten used to his flirtatious remarks from the second I moved into his penthouse, "nope can't even see the view from that massive head of yours. Not to mention your permanent bed head."

He huffs out a laugh, then proceeds to flinch from the pain it must have caused.

"Stop moving, idiot. You're going to exacerbate the cut!" I say, quickly grabbing a damp towel and beginning to clean up his abdomen, whilst simultaneously pressing another rag to his wound to stop the bleeding.

“At least you admit that there is a hot view,” he says in his low voice, gazing at me from his position.

I simply roll my eyes.

No falling in love. That was the deal we had made on the day he offered me a place to stay in exchange for my services as a maid and apparently, a nurse. I cook, clean and basically keep the house running while this moron goes out and acts like the idiot he is. In my defense, dorms are expensive as hell, and his penthouse is nearby. Plus, I don't have to pay rent. It's a win-win situation.

But the feelings stirring up inside my heart might just ruin the dynamic we have going on and simultaneously take out a whole lot of cash out of my pocket.

At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

Once his skin isn't completely saturated in blood, and the wound has (thankfully) stopped bleeding, I add some antiseptic onto a make-up pad and begin to dab at his wound, earning winces and slight grunts from the massive man.

"The cut looks deep, Kuroo. You need to go to the hospital," I say, worry lacing my tone as my eyebrows crease and earn yet another huffing laugh.

"Do you want me to rot in prison for the rest of my life?"

I roll my eyes at his response, deliberately dabbing just a little harder which earns me a yelp and an attempted glare in my direction.

"First off, illegal street racing won't send you to prison for your entire life, just for like, half a year. Second, this wound needs stitches, and believe it or not, I'm not a fucking licensed medic. In fact, the only experience I have is with you!" I say, immediately regretting my choice of words as I wait for his remark.

"That's what she said," He says, chuckling at his own innuendo.

I sigh in frustration, pouring more antiseptic to make sure there was no chance of infection from whatever grimy ass knife stabbed him, and beginning to gently scrub the wound with a soft towel, so as to make sure there was no debris left in there.

"You're gonna have ta do it," he mutters, his hazel eyes boring into mine.

"I- I can't Kuroo, you can't possibly think-"

"Fine. I'll do it. Go get me a needle and thread," he states, struggling but nevertheless, sitting upright on the red stained toilet.

I stare at Kuroo in disbelief as he utters these words. Was he dumber than I thought? Does he have some sort of head injury too?

I examine his face and all I come up with is unnerving determination. I exhale out of my nose sharply, "fine, dammit. I'll sew your fucking wound shut."

I am extremely handy with a sewing needle and thread, used to really be into embroidery back when I had the time so...it should be fine.

He just shrugs, leaning his head back against the tiles and closing his eyes.

"Fucking asshole. Can't believe I'm saving your damn life," I mutter, leaving the bathroom to dig through my wardrobe for my sewing box and taking out a gold silk thread that I was saving for a special project.

Well, I guess that will never happen.

"Hey, I found some silk thread. It's literally known for its strength and durability in high temperatures, so it should work like a charm!" I say, walking back into the blood stained bathroom and trying to psych myself up.

He grunts in response. I sigh as I begin with mopping up the excess blood and sanitising the needle and thread before chucking on gloves.

I wipe the antiseptic over the wound once more, and examine it carefully.

Well, if his condition worsens, I can always knock him out and call an ambulance...

I decide, screw it, and thread the needle, pretending it was just another embroidery project.

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, I chant as I puncture his skin with the thin needle.

Kuroo gasps in pain, and I place a hand on his knee, telling him to suck it up and deal with it, half talking to him but also to myself.

To my surprise, he listens, stretching his head back once more and gritting his teeth.

"Don't do that, here put this in-between your teeth," I say, grabbing yet another towel and shoving it into his mouth.

He obeys as I continue to stitch. I feel my gag reflex kicking in as I think about how stitching skin feels as though I am stitching leather, it feels hard and tough while pushing the thin needle through.

Must hurt like a bitch.

Once I've completed my neat stitches down the wound, without vomiting, I tie it off as I would with any embroidery, and clean the area free of any remaining blood. After rubbing some antibacterial ointment over the gold stitches, I stick on a particularly large bandage over the wound and start tidying up.

"Thank you," Kuroo mutters, still seated on the toilet seat and practically panting for breath.

"Ah, the criminal knows his damn manners!! Now get up and get in the damn shower. You ruined my pristine bathroom!" I complain, putting the last of the materials away before walking to the door.

"Wait, I- I can't get up." I turn around and look at him incredulously as he utters his next few words, "will you... shower me?"

My eyes just about pop out of their sockets at his request. "Are you insane?! I'm not your mother, nor your wife! Call your pudding haired friend and tell him to come shower you!"

He shakes his head, a rare pleading look taking the place of his usual arrogant smirk, "Kenma's too lazy to shower himself, Y/n, please!"

I contemplated it for a moment. Sure, I've seen him naked before, accidentally of course, and so what if I have to scrub him clean. God knows he can't do it himself with that damn injury.

Fuck this shit.

"Fine, get up right now." I bark at him, leaving to change out of my blood soaked pjs into a pair of shorts and a tank.

"...I just said I can't."

---

"Ow, y/n, you're scrubbing too hard!" He complains, his exfoliating glove around my hand as I rub his toned back clean of any dead skin-cells and blood remains.

"But look how much stuff is coming off!" I say gleefully, enjoying this a little too much.

Kuroo, seated on the built-in bench in the open shower with his red boxers on, looks back to see the satisfaction dripping from my features.

"Are you secretly a sadist?" he whispers. In response, I begin to rinse off his raw back with hot water, causing him to screech like a cat.

"It burns, it burns-”

“Shut the fuck up, moron! It's 4 in the morning, you’re going to annoy our neighbours. I tried very hard to get in their good graces, and Mrs. Suzuki still doesn’t like me! She definitely thinks I’m some kind of hooker…” Kuroo laughs at this, and I can’t help but watch as his whole face brightens up from his usual emotionless expression. I find myself smiling in response.

I grab his expensive shampoo and pour some into my hands, beginning to massage it into his scalp. With wet hair, his raven strands are for once flat on his head and reach down to his defined jawline. Kuroo groans under my touch, leaning into my fingers. I snatch my hands back and pour hot water over his head.

"ARGH! Y/N!" He screams, hastily getting up and wetting me in the process.

"Ah- what are you-" I don't get to finish my question as he grabs my arm and yanks me next to him under the hot water, soaking my clothes and my hair.

"You asshole!" I screech as I reach up to pull his hair in defiance, but he only grabs my arm and hooks it around his neck, leaning down to look directly into my eyes.

Our noses brushing against one another, he mutters, "You look pretty with your hair wet and your shirt see through."

It takes me a moment to get past the compliment and to hear the perverted comment that he just uttered.

He sees my look of confusion and laughs, bends over, clutches his stomach and laughs, before bellowing in pain because of his injury.

Smiling smugly down at him as he grimaces, I force him to sit back down and continue massaging the shampoo into his hair, warning him that if he so much as moaned I would leave him in here, dripping wet and in pain.

"That's what he said," is his reply.

I smack his head in response.

Notes, interactions and reblogs are highly appreciated <3

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

You’ve filled my head with questions. You said that Jason and the moms hang out (unofficially) I need to know more about that.

In my mind, Jason is always respectful and all but I can totally see the moms and him getting really competitive whenever they’re playing poker and them yelling and being loud. Maybe that’s Y/N finds out. She visits and they’re being super loud and then oh hi Jason. Maybe even monthly poker nights. 🤣🤣🤣

Jason Todd is the most morally grey of the batboys. He doesn't real have an issue with killing people who deserve it. And he also doesn't agree with the law always.

He supports sex work and sex workers. He thinks that some drug dealing is fine, like when it's meds for people that can't afford the real deal and/or don't have health insurance. He believes sexual predators should get their genitals cut off. He doesn't get why marijuana is still illegal in places, including Gotham. And most importantly, Jason Todd thinks the biggest criminals in the world are CEOs and major businesses or corporations.

So, Jason has always had the least amount of judgment and problems with Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn. Are they a little nuts? Sure. But who isn't? Hell, he was resurrected and went on a unhinged rampage.

Jason randomly forms a strange friendship with the women. Will he ever admit that they're friends? Absolutely not. But he does buy weed from them. Sometimes he asks Ivy to create medication or antidotes for people on the street who can't get proper help. Sometimes he even asks Harley for psychology/counseling help for either himself or for friends who are too stubborn to seek professional help.

Jason will get drunk with the moms. He'll play poker. They'll smoke weed together.

But this is all before Bruce went behind Damian's back and ruined the two teenagers' relationship. Once Damian left Gotham and Y/N released her moms from Arkham, Jason's visits never continued.

But not too long after Jason found out about Y/N, she found him at her home. She tried to mind her own business. But she knew she would have to at least mention it to Damian at some point.

"Are we being too loud, sunflower?" Harley asked her one time when she came downstairs for a glass of water and found the three of them playing cards.

"Nope. Just thirsty," Y/N shrugged and gave Jason a smirk.

"If that demon spawn ever treats you wrong, you let me know," he told her.

Y/N giggled at that. As if Jason would be able to get to Damian before her moms. Not that Damian would ever hurt her like the way Jason was hinting toward.

"We both know he's no demon at all, J." Y/N answered with a loving smile. "He's just got a tough exterior."

[mercurysstars]

All That Glitters Is Not Gold (part 7)

Summary: Y/n gets hired to be the avengers chief physician and also happens to be an ex assassin.

Word count: 3.2k

Warnings: Needles, swear words, reader getting angry.

A/N: Okay y’all so maybe the reader has slight anger issues.

𝘍𝘪𝘹 𝘮𝘦 𝘶𝘱 𝘮𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨.

_

Y/n suddenly became aware of the very persistent beeping noise in her ear. No matter what she tried she couldn't get it to stop and it was starting to annoy the hell out of her. She cracked her eyes open, the light-flooded her blinding her for a few seconds but her eyes quickly adjusted.

The first thing she noticed was the white plain walls of the Med-Bay. The memories flickered through her head like a flashing light. Y/n looked down to her bandage arm she peeled it back a bit, by looking at her wound she guessed she might have been out a little over a day and a half.

She grabbed the cords attached to her body and yanked them out causing the heart monitor to start flatlining. Wanda shot right up out of a dead sleep at the sound, looking over to make sure her friend was okay. Y/n didn't even know she was there until she spoke up "Oh good you're alive."

Y/n grimaced "Very much so. How long have I been out?"

"A little over a day," Wanda said confirming what she thought. "After FRIDAY alerted us, Barnes got there first to see you all bruised and bloody."

Y/n could tell Wanda was trying to keep the conversation light which she appreciated. She rolled her eyes and chuckled "You should see the other guy."

"Oh trust me I did." Wanda grinned. "I should probably go get bruce though so I'll be right back."

Wanda left her room. Bruce came in and checked her vitals and drew some blood just to make sure there wasn't anything toxic left in her blood. He said that they couldn't use the cradle because it could harm her further so there would be a scar. But Y/n didn't mind much a little bit of meditation and it would be long gone.

Wanda gave Y/n her phone but had to go because Vision needed some help. Y/n was checking some emails and she heard a little sniffle. She looked up to see a red-eyed Peter peaking into her room. She set down her phone and motioned him over. "Hey, Peter what's wrong?"

Peter seemed a little unsure of himself hesitating to speak. He once again sniffles wiping his face with his shirt. In a little voice, he mumbled, "I was scared you were going to die."

Y/n's heart broke into a million little pieces. She didn't know what to say to him. She wanted to comfort him but she didn't know-how. Y/n did the only thing she knew how. Made a joke out of it. "Oh, Pete you know some half-ass assassin can't get the best of me."

Peter chuckled also while hiccuping. He looked down then back at her. He rushed toward Y/n wrapping his arms around her. Y/n slowly wrapped her arm around him the stayed like that for a few seconds. She rubbed his back and patted it. "Can't breathe. Super strength." She choked out.

Peter pulled back standing next to her bed and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly "I forgot sorry."

"Don't worry about it. And hey get some sleep I'm the one in the Med-bay and you look worst than me."

Peter promised he would. He gave her a get-well card that he bought with his aunt May. He turned to leave. Bucky was standing in the doorway. Peter told him he could go in and left.

Bucky walked into the room. Y/n's face lit up when she noticed him standing there. "Well look who it is. My savior."

Bucky gave a small chuckle. He looked her over. He can't get the image of her lying limp in his arms out of his head. He doesn't think he's ever been that scared or panicked in his life. It became blurry to him after she passed out. He vaguely remembers carrying her the few feet to the med bay and Bruce ordering someone to get him out. Funny how someone can change your life within a few months of knowing them.

"How are you doing." He breathed out turning serious. He sat in the chair next to her bed setting her clothes on the tabled next to them. He couldn't explain it he felt like it was her fault she was in here. Even if he hasn't done it personally.

"Good, I'm good. How's Alpine? I know she has separation anxiety."

"Well, last night she somehow got into my room again. And right now I think she's with Wanda. I'm pretty sure she sneaks her extra treats."

Y/n and Bucky continued to talk. She genuinely enjoyed his company. There was a feeling that she didn't want to name that started to open up whenever he came around. They decided to watch a movie. Y/n was sitting crisscross applesauce and Bucky had his feet kicked up onto her bed while laying back in the chair.

"You actually liked this movie," Bucky exclaimed. Y/n got to pick the movie and she picked newsies. She thought it was the right thing to choose considering it's about young boys in New York. Though it was a little before his time it was basic Bucky and Steve.

"Yes, it was my favorite movie of my teen years. Believe it or not, I thought their New Yorker accents were really hot."

Bucky laughed. He couldn't believe what he was hearing "No way. They are so bad. They aren't even accurate."

"Hey don't judge. I can't help what my teenage hormones find attractive." She jokingly kicked his feet and he put his arms up defensively.

"I'm not, I'm not. It's just that I don't see you like that type of girl. Back in my day, they use to associate accents with thugs or gangs."

"It's the 21st-century hun. Times are different." She put her non-injured hand on her hip.

Bucky raised his eyebrows and smirked "So I'm seeing."

The buzzing of Y/n phone interrupted their conversation. The caller ID read Anthony Y/n put up a finger to signal to give her a moment. She clicked the accept button and a nervous sounding Tony picked up "Hey Y/n how are you? I heard what happened."

Y/n? He never uses her real. That only means one thing. He did something that could potentially piss her off. She was out for one day and this is what happens. "What did you do Tony."

"Okay look so don't be mad when I tell you. Meet me in the debriefing room in 10." He hung up before she got the chance to object.

Y/n slide to the edge of the bed. She swung her feet over. She attempted to stand up but when she put pressure on her foot she nearly collapsed. Y/n didn't remember hitting her foot or anything but it must have been when she dove over her desk. Bucky put his hands on her waist to steady her. "Woah you okay there doll?"

"Yeah. Can you like?" She made a turning motion with her hand. Bucky immediately stood up and turned around.

Y/n took off her hospital gown. Buck caught a glance of 2 long scars crossing her stomach and what looked like to be a burn on her hip through the reflection of the window. He quickly turned away out of respect. Y/n slide on her pants and cleared her throat. "I'm done."

Bucky turns around and sees her supporting most of her weight on her right foot. "Do you want me to get you crutches or a wheelchair?"

"Why would I do that when I have a perfectly good super soldier right here?"

She hobbled over to Bucky and wrapped her good arm around his waist. He rolled his eyes at her being difficult but put his arm around her. He wouldn't admit it but he secretly liked it and thought it was sweet.

They got down to the debriefing room. Tony was pacing around the front muttering something to himself. Y/n and Bucky took up the last two seats. Y/n's foot was throbbing so she put it on the table to elevate it. They waited a couple of minutes for him to start. Natasha finally decided to speak up getting annoyed "You want to tell us what this was about before you burn a hole in the carpet."

Tony stopped to look at them and started to pace again "Okay so I didn't tell you guys everything. That meeting I had was with the UN. They are trying to get General Ross to be ahead of the Avengers instead of Nick Fury."

He paused to let them take it in. Some were confused, and a couple were mad. "Wait are they just trying to do this since we didn't sign the Sakovia accords?" Steve said what most were thinking.

"See that's what I said but they were talking about some bullshit about us being unorganized and dangerous. And the only way they'd stop it is if someone took a truth serum and I said Y/n would."

Oh, this is why he told her not to get mad. She had to take a deep breath so she wouldn't pull off her shoe and beat him with it. Is he stupid? He's a genius but he can't think before he speaks. "So how does it work?" Clint asked.

"Well, they will hook you up to a lie detector machine and inject you with the truth serum. The way it works is that every time you lie the serum will start to burn and your heart rate will start to accelerate."

"So what all do I have to lie about." Y/n finally questioned. She was chewing her lip in contemplation. She's pulled off worst than this and has had more on the line than this.

"What I know for sure is that I said you've been with us for 2 years, you can't tell them how you got that cut and anything that can potentially get us into trouble. Also, you can't take any strong pain meds."

"So basically she has to have one hell of a poker face," Bucky concluded.

Y/n sighs and rubs her head."How long do I have."

"12 hours until wheels up." Tony better buy me so many boxes of pizza she thinks.

_

Bucky watched as Y/n sat on the floor crisscross applesauce. Her back is the door and the only light in the room is the light from the hallway in the quinjet. Y/n could hear the soft buzz of Bucky's metal arm with her eyes still close she says "You know you can come in Sarge."

That startles Bucky. He walked into the room and sat on the floor taking up space next to her. He looked at her "I came to tell you we are almost there. Are you nervous?"

Y/n thought for a few seconds. Most people in her position would probably be pissing their pants at this moment. Having to go in front of the United Nations and lie straight to their faces. So she answered truthfully "No, no I'm not."

Bucky was surprised. She was genuine in her answer. If it was him he would be having a near stroke. "Really? Anyway so why do meditate it doesn't actually help with anything."

"Actually it does. It helps with my heart rate and it helps me heal faster."

"Oh?" He looked at her expectingly obviously not believing her.

She kicked out her leg and lifted the pant leg to her suit. The bruise was gone and she rotated her foot and wiggle her toes to prove she wasn't in any pain.

Y/n grabbed his shoulder as a crutch to help her get up and grabbed her heels. Bucky looked up at her. "You know I can't seem to figure you out."

Y/n paused and pursed her lips in thought "Somethings are better off left as mysteries." She patted his shoulder and walked out.

_

Wanda, Natasha, and Y/n broke off from the rest of the Avengers, having to go to the medical room so she could get a mini medical exam.

The girls walk through security. Natasha dropped all of her weapons in a bin so she could pick them up later. They put a device around Wanda's neck so she couldn't use her powers. Y/n could see how uncomfortable it made her. She walked over to Wanda and whispered "I feel bad you have to wear that. You didn't have to come."

Wanda looked at her and have a small sad smile "What you're about to do is worst than this. It's the least I can do for you helping us."

Y/n nodded to her. Security officers escorted them to the medical room. They had Y/n sit on a bed. They made her pee in a cup, took her blood, and checked her medical history. Natasha was giving her advice. While she knew most things it was still nice having someone coach her through and remind her of it.

When they finished Wanda went to join the rest of the Avengers. Natasha walked her to the door she adjusted Y/n's suit "You've got this. We'll be supporting you in the crowd."

"Thank you Nat for everything really." She hugged her and Natasha gave Y/n's arm a reassuring squeeze.

Y/n took a deep breath. She stepped into the room. The room was a half-circle shape with large windows behind it. In the back were journalists and reporters. And in the front were the UN personnel were located. Y/n walked past the Avengers and took her seat in the middle of the room.

Y/n could feel everyone's eyes on her. She got blinded momentarily from the flashes of the cameras. She looked over to the Avengers. Tony, Bruce, Clint, and Steve at the end. Bucky in the middle. And Sam, Natasha, Wanda, and Vision on the other end. Wanda gave her 2 thumbs up and Y/n smiled back at her.

Staff came over and started to unpack and hook her up to the lie detector machine. They took off the jacket to her suit and connected wires to three fingers on her right hand. They put a blood pressure cuff on her left tricep and inflated it. Ross stood up and cleared his throat being the room's attention on him.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'm General Ross and I will be doing the questioning on the behalf of the UN."

He turned his gaze to Y/n. "We're going to test the lie detector first."  Y/n nodded to him and he began.

"Is your legal name Y/n Y/l/n?"

"Yes." Y/n states.

"True." The man in the chair next to her says.

He looked down at the paper he had in his hand looking for his next question. "Very well. Were you born Y/B/D 1995?"

"Yes."

"True."

"Are you nervous?"

Natasha's words come back to Y/n. Lie once. Lie about something small. So they don't get suspicious. Y/n let her heart rate pick up a bit and purposely avoided eye contact. "No."

"Lie."

"It's okay to be nervous. God knows I would." Ross joked a few people chuckled and Y/n had to physically hold back an eye roll. He thinks he got her but in reality, he's right where she wanted.

He nodded to the staff and they walked over to her and began to prep her. They cleaned a small area of her arm with an alcohol pad. "This might hurt a bit." One muttered.

They stuck the needle into her arm and injected the serum. At first, it felt cool but then it hit her all at once it felt like someone poured a pan of grease on her. Y/n's skin was on fire, she bit her cheek so hard it nearly drew blood.

Bucky watched as Y/n closed her eyes and took a deep breath. If it was anything like the Super Soldier serum he knew it burn. She opened her eyes and if he didn't witness it he wouldn't even know it happened seconds ago.

General Ross walked back to the front and began to speak "We are ready to proceed. Did it hurt? I've never tried it."

"Yes." Like a bitch.

"What role do you play for the Avengers? Tony mentioned you've been there for 2 years."

"I'm their Chief Physician." The second part of his sentence was a statement so she missed lying by an inch.

"True."

He asked questions like that for a while or worded them differently. The questions were getting repetitive and Y/n was getting bored and impatient. She hasn't had to lie yet not that she wanted to. Especially not when she has the truth serum from hell injected in her veins.

"Have the Avengers ever put you in any unnecessary danger?" Ross questioned.

"Never." She replied trying not to bounce her leg.

"True."

"Tell me Miss Y/l/n how did you get that cut? It looks pretty deep." He paused seemingly watching for her reaction.

"My cat. She has some pretty mean claws." Y/n stated without missing a beat. She felt the burn of the serum. It wasn't as bad as the injection but damn did it fucking hurt. Despite that Y/n kept a straight face starting to get annoyed with him. She could hear the flutter of the cameras.

"True."

"Would you consider Miss Maximoff unstable in any way, shape, or form?"

Y/n has to stop her eyes from going wide. What the hell kind of question was that besides rude. It's like he wants her to lash out at him. "No."

The man watches the monitor for a few seconds "True." He finally says.

"Would you consider Mr. Barnes dangerous?"

The audacity of this man. You want to see someone dangerous? Let's see how dangerous I am when I choke you out with this cord that's wrapped around my finger- "No"

"True."

"Are you aware of his past?"

"Very much so. And that where it should stay the past. I don't know what you're trying to get at general."

"True."

"Were you aware that we are starting a search for Lilith and anyone with information on her that doesn't come forward will be sent to the raft? And were you aware that if we find her we are ordered to kill on sight?"

Y/n gets a bitter taste in her mouth. This cannot be happening. She can't freak out right now. She clenched her jaw "No I was not aware of either."

"True."

"Very well that's all." Ross returned to his seat among the UN.

The staff came over and unhooked her from the machine. Y/n felt like she could finally breathe. She stood up and walked out without glancing back. The Avengers did the same meanwhile getting swarmed with paparazzi.

Part 8

My mini taglist

@theashlynbarnes @writingonabrokenwall

[futures-tense]

Hi. Is bruises prompt still free for Bad Things Happen Bingo? If so, may I request it? I have an idea, but it you dont like it, dont feel obligate to write it 😊 the crew begin to notice frequent new bruises on TK. In different places. They begin to suspect that Carlos is not as a saint as he seemed to be. They keep a close eye on TK and Carlos. When asked about the cause of the bruises, TK evasively replies that it is his clumsiness, which makes them even more suspicious. They can't stand it anymore when one day they accidentally notice hand-shaped bruises on his neck and wrists. Carlos, backed against the wall, confesses a truth that is different than everyone expected. TK and Carlos just started BdSM experiments in the bedroom and TK likes it on the rougher side, especially when he starts having cravings for drugs.

TW: accusations of abuse (there’s no actual abuse but still, take care of yourself)

So I’m not super comfortable with the BDSM part BUT I did take the first part of the prompt and I used a bit of a,,, familiar storyline for some of you so I hope you like it!!

the blood on my hands (scares me to death)//3.4k

TK’s been off all day. Paul noticed it first (obviously) and now Judd wishes he hadn’t said anything at all. Because now-- after watching him a little more carefully-- he’s seen TK wince about a dozen times in the last three hours. He’s been wearing long sleeves. 

In the middle of August. 

In Austin, Texas. 

He tried to put it out of his mind. TK would talk when he’s ready, he thinks. And they all know how well he does when they press him on topics he’s not ready to talk about. 

So Judd tries not to think about it. Until he goes into the locker room. 

He turns the corner and runs a towel over his drying hair, glancing up at TK on the other side of the room. 

But he stops. 

The black and blue bruise coloring his shoulder stands out against his skin. It spreads to the top of his arm and TK winces as he pulls his shirt on. 

“Damn,” he says, making TK jump. “That’s a hell of a bruise you got.”

“Yeah,” TK mumbles. “What can I say; I’m a clutz.”

A knot twists in Judd’s stomach. That was barely believable. Which means that TK’s lying about how he got hurt. It could mean any number of things-- all of which Judd doesn’t want to think about.

“What’d you do?”

TK makes a face as if he hadn’t expected the question to come up. “I just… fell. Down the stairs.”

Judd raises an eyebrow, entirely unconvinced. “You fell down the stairs.”

TK nods but doesn’t look up at him. 

The knot tugs tighter. 

But before he can say anything, TK’s out the door. Judd watches him go, wringing the towel in his hands.

Paul and Mateo come in a moment later and he looks down. 

“What is that look for?” Paul asks but Judd just shakes his head. “Oh, so you’re going to be weird and ominous now too?”

Judd takes a breath but doesn’t respond. 

He prays he’s wrong.

____

Carlos:

Dinner?

Carlos:

I’ll cook

TK: 

Not tonight

Carlos: 

Tomorrow then?

TK:

Can’t, working

Carlos frowns at his phone. He knows for a fact that his boyfriend has the next day off-- they both do, he was kind of excited about it. Not to mention, TK hardly ever sends such short messages, and he’s canceled four date nights in the past month.

He clenches his jaw and climbs out of the car, slipping his phone into his pocket as he closes the door. 

His shift ended about twenty minutes ago and TK’s shift ends in an hour or so. And with the way TK’s been acting odd lately? Well, Carlos doesn’t see anything wrong with stopping by for a few minutes. 

Carlos adjusts his jacket and looks around the firehouse. He spots Judd in the kitchen first. 

“Hey, Judd,” he says with a smile. “Have you seen TK?”

Judd barely spares him a glance, already turning his back on him. “Meds on a call,” he says flatly, just before he turns toward the gym.

Carlos shoves his hands in his pockets uncomfortably. “Alright,” he mumbles. 

He sits at the counter, determined to be there when TK returns. Paul and Marjan come in a few minutes later. 

“Hey, Reyes,” Marjan says, making a beeline for the coffee maker. 

“Marj, that is your fifth cup today,” Paul says. 

“And?” She smiles then turns her attention back to Carlos. “Did you just get off?”

“A little while ago, yeah,” he nods. Paul offers him a cup of coffee but he shakes his head. “TK said he was working late today, so I thought I’d stop by on my way home.” 

Marjan makes a face. “No, he’s not.”

Carlos can feel his throat tighten. “That’s what he told me.”

It’s Paul’s turn to shake his head. “We invited him out with us but he said he had plans with you.”

Carlos has to look down-- any direction really-- because they’re sharing a look and giving him concerned looks-- which is exactly what he doesn’t need at the moment.

The roaring of the ambulance rumbles through the station as Nancy guides TK back into the bay. 

When they park it, TK jumps down and Carlos sees him clench his hand into a fist. He falls into easy banter with Nancy as they make their way to join them. TK grins when he sees him. 

“Hey, babe,” he says, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, you said you couldn’t make dinner,” Carlos says quietly. “I thought I’d stop by.”

Marjan makes a face. “Hey, Paul, Nance, why don’t we go find Mateo and we can play doubles?”

“Yeah, Paul,” Nancy starts. “Why don’t Marj and I absolutely obliterate you and Mateo in foosball?”

The three walk away, already riling each other up. Tk watches them go with a quiet laugh but Carlos shifts in his seat. 

“So, Judd seems to be mad at me and you lied to Paul and Marjan.” He swallows. “And me.”

TK looks at him for a moment, then down at his hands. “I don’t know what’s going on with Judd and I don’t know what the others told you. But, Carlos, I wouldn’t lie to you.”

Carlos wants to call bullshit but he doesn’t. TK reaches for his hand but he pulls back. “Why don’t-- we’ll talk at home.”

Carlos turns just in time to see TK’s face fall. 

“No, Carlos, wait.”

He stops, against his better judgment.

“I’m- I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Lying.” TK nods to himself. “I shouldn’t have.”

Carlos raises an eyebrow when he doesn’t continue. “That’s it?”

TK laughs helplessly. “What else are you expecting?”

He rolls his eyes and shrugs sarcastically. “I don’t know, TK, maybe an explanation?” TK purses his lips and looks off to the side. It’s his resigned look-- the one he makes when he doesn’t want to talk anymore. But Carlos isn’t giving up that easily. “Why did you lie to me? To Paul and Marj? What’s the real reason you can’t make it tonight?”

TK seems to consider something but evidently talks himself out of it. “That’s-- I can’t answer that, Carlos, please just drop it.”

This is it.

The one question he never thought he’d have to ask him. And he’s not sure he wants to know the answer. 

“Are you seeing someone else?”

TK hates the question as much as he does.

“God, no, ahuvi.” 

He tries to step close again but Carlos can’t. He doesn’t feel like he can trust him-- at least not right this moment. And he hates that. Because this is TK, the most caring and loyal person he knows. 

Or. He thought he knew. 

“Then what is going on?”

“Babe, please, just-”

His request is cut off by the alarm calling for the medical team. He sighs and curses under his breath. 

“Can we talk about this at home?”

Carlos scoffs. “Will you be there?”

He knows it’s uncalled for and he regrets the words immediately. The words make TK’s features twist in a way that Carlos never wants to cause again. He lingers a moment longer before going to the ambulance. 

Carlos pinches the bridge of his nose. He doesn’t know what to do or who to go to for advice. He might if he knew what was happening. But he’s been left out of the loop again and-- honestly? He’s getting pretty fucking sick of it. 

Continue Reading on AO3

[wreckofawriter]

Amplified Emotions

Word count: 2,184

Warnings: None

Request: Hi! How about a Newt x reader where WCKD sends up a serum that makes emotions WAY stronger, the gladers don't know what it is so reader volunteers to test it, but she has a bad crush on Newt, so anytime she feels any emotion it's amplified by an extreme amount. They first notice it when she gets REALLY mad at something super small and meaningless, then she starts bawling when Chuck gets a paper cut, then she can't stop following Newt around and blushing. Ends with a kiss?

A/n: I dont really like how this one turned out but whatever

You sat staring at the blonde boy across your breakfast, he sat a table away laughing with Jeff and the other med-jacks. A strand of his dusty blonde hair hanging in front of honey brown eyes. His pink lips curved into a bright smile.

     “Yo, y/n, you awake?” Minho asked waving his hand in front of your face.

“Uh y-yeah sorry. Just tired.”

“Well you better be ready for today, your gonna run the C section and then meet us up towards D.”

“Got it.” You sighed breathing in the humid thick air which would for sure make today's run sweaty and gross. You stole one more glance at Newt before standing and dumping your empty plate in a wooden bin.

So far no one had caught on to your feelings and that was a good thing. You had always been good at hiding feelings and you weren't very emotional at all. You also knew that if your crush was exposed to one gladder, the rest would know in a matter of hours.

You trudged down to your hammock grabbed your pack and walked to the opening of the maze waiting for Minho. Once he arrived you began to run. Your mind filled with images of blonde hair, brown eyes and the sharp jawline you have grown to love. When you met up with Minho and Caleb you listened to them banter a bit about the maze before you reached the glade a few minutes before sundown.

As you walked in you saw the whole glade clustered around the cage. You ran up to the crowd pushing your way to the front to greet the greenie.

What you saw shocked you. A young boy who couldn't be older than 12 sat in the cage.  You had never had a boy that young before come up. His face was pale and his eyes wide as his forehead beaded with sweat. Gally was currently in the cage, unsuccessfully trying to get the kid to calm down.

“Gally!” you shouted, “back off.”

He stepped back as you jumped down into the cage landing with a thump as the cage rattled around you.

“Hey kid,” you started trying to keep your voice calm. “You're ok just come with me and I'll get you out of this hell hole surrounded by idiots.” you smiled.

“Where am I? What's going on? How did I get here?  And who are you?” He gasped.

“Look I know you have a lot of questions and I will answer you when you come out here, ok?”

He seemed to calm a little bit, standing and making his way toward you.

After showing around the kid you now knew as chuck you went to see what was up with Clint, you hadn't seen him since breakfast.

“Hey Clint,” you said as you walked into the medical room. You furrowed my eyebrows as you saw, Alby, Minho, Zart, and Newt along with Clint and Jeff clusters around something.

“Oh um hey y/n.” He said glancing up at you then back to the group who had all turned around.

“What's up?” You asked walking closer. You caught a chemical sent as you neared them.

“We have a bit of a problem,” Alby spoke up, his eyebrows knitted together.

“Oh, what is it,” you asked peering into the box they were surrounding.

“ Well whatever these are came up in the box and we aren't sure what they are used for.”

“There's no label?” you asked as you examined the dozen or so syringes in the box filled with a red liquid.

“There was nothing,” Newt said. You tried not to let the gaze he held on you quicken your heart but you had no such luck.

“Maybe we should get someone to test it?” Zart suggested, his blue eyes scanning the reaction of the crowd. Alby bit his lip, Minho shrugged and Newt looked up in shock.

“No way!” He exclaimed, “what if it's dangerous?”

We all turned to Clint and Jeff wanting an explanation.

“Umm, I think that Zart is right,” Clint suggested, earning an agitated scoff from Newt.

“ Newt, it could be a new and improved cure or something to help us get out.” Alby agreed, nodding.

“Alright,” Newt sceved, “then who is willing to try it?”

Everyone went silent scanning the room. You sighed, “I will.”

Newts eyes went wide. “No way!”

You huffed, “Newt, I'm the least important in this group, if I die or something I can be replaced, but the leaders,” you gestured to the group, “cant.”

“Are you saying you're expendable.” Newt gasped.

“No just more expendable than you. Plus who said I was gonna die, it will probably do nothing.”

Newt started at you opened his mouth as if to say something then turned on his heel and stormed out of the room. You sighed and turned to the rest of the group sticking out your arm.

“Let's do this.”

When the liquid felt its way into your bloodstream it felt warm and fuzzy then ice cold then just gone. You waited for everyone's eyes wide in anticipation.

“You feel anything?” Minho asked eyebrows raised.

“Nope.” You answered.

“Ok maybe it was just a dud, just take it easy for a while ok?” Jeff said

“Got it.”

The day went on somewhat normally that was until Chuck got hurt. By hurt I mean he got a tiny cut from a knife while helping the slicers. You're a usual small bit if empathy was suddenly magnified and you felt your self sobbing. Chuck along with everyone else stared at you as you choked out more sobs. It wasn't just that though when Caleb through a cheesy pick up line at you, you got so infuriated you slapped him. But that wasn't even close to the worst of it.

When you saw Newt your heart felt like it was going to fall out of your chest and your breathing became heavy. You felt your self flush bright red as he neared you. It didn't help that he ran his hand through his extremely soft locks and it definitely didn't help that he had taken off his shirt while working showing his perfectly sculpted abs shining with sweat. You swear your soul left your body when he approached you.

“I still can't believe you took that bloody stuff.” He muttered as he stood in front of you. You could function. You just stood there. Your eyes trailing over his body your checks growing warmer and warmer. You gulped.

“Look I'm sorry I stormed out I just didn't want you to get hurt” Newt continued unfazed by your behavior.

You just stood there mouth open staring at him blushing more and more feeling your hands grow clammy.

“Hey, are you ok?” Newt asked concern flashing his face.

“I'm f-fine” you managed to stutter out. Still gaping at him.

“You look flushed, are you sick? Did that shucking thing do something to you?” He stepped toward you leaning his hand on your forehead checking your temperature. His touch shot sparks through you as you leaned into his touch. “Y/n we should go to the med-hut your burning up.”

“I'm ok,” you said feeling your heart die as he pulled away from his hand.

“Alright just tell me if you feel sick ok?”

“Got it,” you said dreamily.

“See you at dinner.” He said walking away.

“Yeah,” you said quietly.

The rest of the day you spent following Newt around. You watched him work while pretending to be busy preparing something or fixing clothes. You would blush profusely when he neared you and you would feel yourself fall into his brown eyes at his mere glance. At dinner you found yourself falling into Newt as you watched him laugh at Monhos stupid joke. Just watching him you felt so in love. The infatuation of him grew within you and you couldn't not be around him. As you watched him you suddenly felt a tap on the shoulder.

“Uh, your staring,”  Chuck said.

“No, I'm not.” You countered your eyes still trained on the brit a few tables away.

“You're still doing it.” He pointed out.

“Shut up” you muttered

“You like him don't you?”

“No, I don't”

“ Then why are you still staring at him”

“Look he's just super hot ok?” You bit your lip.

“Ewwwww. He is not.”

“He so is” you swooned. All of a sudden he and Clint started towards you.

“We'll just test it out ok?” Clint whispered

“I just feel bad.” Newt answers.

“Hey, Newt.” You said in a haze.

“Hi y/n.” He greeted awkwardly

“Hey so y/n, how are you doing,” Clint said sitting opposite you.

“Good.”

“You're not sad at all?” he asked raising his eyebrows.

“ No why?”

“Well, you can't run tomorrow,” Clint said.

“What! Why!?” Your disappointment turned to sadness and sadness to despair. And you were bawling again.

“I swear, I have never seen y/n like this, she had never even batted an eyelash at something like that before that shucking serum,” Newt said as he wrapped a gladly accepted arm around you.

“So I guess it amplifies feelings?” Clint said as you three walked back to the med-hut.

“Yeah but that still doesn't explain why she gets all blushy and mushy around me.” Newt pointed out.

“Actually it does,” Chuck smirked.

“W-what?” Newt looked confused.

“Yep, bet she was just really good at hiding feelings before this.” Clint chuckled.

“You're trying to tell me she likes me?” Newt asked.

“ From a medical standpoint, it is the only answer.” Clint jeered

“Shuck face,” Newt muttered but he still could feel the blush creeping up his neck.

The next day you woke with a pounding headache and memories of yesterday flowed through your brain. Then you remembered Newt, watching him, blushing, ruining the perfectly good act you had kept up for almost a year.

“Shruck, shruk, shruk shruk!” You yelled anger pricing through your stomach.

“You okay y/n?” Jeff asked.

“I'm fine” you groaned.

“You can't run today.” He stated waiting for a reaction.

“Whatever that shit wore off ok.” You groaned.

“Sorry about that. By the way, Newt is looking for you.”

You groaned again, “How marvelous.” You drawled sarcastically.

“I think he's in the gardens,” Jeff said

“Thanks” you stood up your warm feet meeting the cold floor of the med-hut. You tucked in your shirt and did your best to calm your disheveled hair as you made your way to the gardens.

When you saw him your heartbeat quickened and you felt yourself grow nervous.“Hey Newt!”  You called with all the courage you had left in you

“Hey y/n, I'm guessing that bloody thing wore off then?” he said walking toward you

“Yup” you answered halfheartedly.

“Well umm,” Newt scratched the back of his neck stopping a few feet in front of you. “Clint said that judging from the symptom it like amplified emotions or something?”

You felt crimson wash over you. “Uhh yeah, it did. And listen I know this is gonna be really awkward now and I'm sorry but I guess you told me not to take it.” You laughed dryly.

“Why would it be awkward?” Newt questioned

This time you just stared at him, “Uuuhhhh ‘cuz you know I like you.”

Newt grew red, opening his mouth closing it than saying, “Who says that it will be awkward.” He took a step toward you when he did.

“Like everyone is going to make it awkward you know, plus bow everyone is going to pick on me because of it and you will get teased too.” You pointed out trying to get him to see the facts, “when someone likes someone who doesn't like them back and everyone knows it tends to get awkward.”

Newt sighed, “y/n, for being so smart you really are dumb sometimes.”  

“Newt, I don't get it why would-”

“Bloody hell,” Newt muttered before leaning forward and placing his lips on yours. The kiss was sweet and soft, his lips danced on yours gracefully. You could taste a bit of salt and strawberry from Newt's lips. He placed his hand on your waist as you moved your hand through his blonde hair.

You pulled away gasping for air, face flushed and lips swollen.

“I like you too shrunk face ” Newt whispered placing his hand on your face. You giggled.

Your moment was interrupted by a large sigh of annoyance. You both turned to see Minho his pack on his back, holding yours.

“I'm going to have to deal with this every day aren't I?” He muttered although you could see him smile a bit.

“Shut it.” You groaned grabbing your pack and kissing Newt in the cheek. “See you later.”

“Bye y/n” he sighed. Before he pulled you back in for an actual kiss making you drop your pack and raise your arms around his neck as you he slid his tongue into your mouth.

“Ewww guys come on.” Minho groaned. Earning a certain finger from you.

[harveywritings92]

Bad Wolf: Werewolf! Jason Todd x Reader

The following is a non profit fan based story Batman, Red hood, Nightwing etc. belongs to DC Comics please support the official release.

_

I gain no profit from this nor do I own anything other then OCs  and whatever sprouts from my imagination. Thanks for reading!

Y/n woke up that morning her e/c stared blankly up at the ceiling trying to work through the deafening haze, she felt sore and her limbs felt like they were made of jelly. she turned to look at her alarm clock wincing as her hips protested from the sudden action, it was 8 am...the closed her eyes, she bolt upwards realizing she was late for wor....oh, right she didn't have a job anymore, she frowned wanting to feel angry and disgruntled, but couldn't find it in her.

She actually felt happy! that she didn't have bend over backwards for her lazy ass co-workers anymore. no more stolen credit, no work being pushed on to her, No creepy Chris from resources flirting with her and sending her creepy messages.

 No Yvette her snotty supervisor belittling her in front of everyone...She was brought out of her thoughts when a large muscular arm wrapping around her naked waist and pulling her back down on to the bed.

"Go back to sleep Pip-squeak..." a tired voice rumbled the h/c blinked and turned to the second person in her bed a man with green eyes messy black hair with white streak, and a body that looked like it was chiseled from marble glared up at her lazily, Y/n blinked at the man mind still fogged up as she tried to remember the last 24hrs and how the hell did she end in bed with someone like him.

"You're firing me?!" Y/n shrieked staring at her boss gobsmacked at Yvette who tried to look sympathetic, but as he was clearly more interested in her stupid manicured nails and make-up to care. "We just can't keep someone, who just wants sit around being lazy and do nothing while her co-workers do everything for her." Y/n couldn't believe what she was hearing...Lazy?...Nothing?! she stood right up and slammed her hands on the desk causing Yvette to jumped.

"I've worked my ass off for this company for six years...I watched it go from a 40 person operation to 120! I missed my uncle's funeral because I was busy doing my fellow workers jobs and your fucking work while you were on vacation in Hawaii...and you accuse me of being lazy?!" The blond had heard enough and called security to escort Y/n off the premises, the h/c yanked her her arm out of the guard's hand. "Don't bother I'm going..."

She hissed before shouldering one of the large men she packed her things and walked out of building all while her ex co-workers whispered and snickered at the [y/h] who flipped them all off as she got in the elevator. Why the fuck did they choose to fire her tonight of all nights, It's cold and raining the bottom of cardboard box she had her stuff in gave out from all the water it absorbed,

scattering and breaking all the glass crap inside, She didn't even bother to picking it up she just stared at the broken remains of the last six years of her life slowly being washed away by the rain. She watched aluminum pencil cup roll down into a gutter and into the foot of some drunk passed out in the gutter.

The e/c stared blankly at the man debating if she should call someone to pick him up, she sighed and went over to the guy not caring if he was dangerous; with how shitty her night was going? Death would be a fucking godsend.

"Hey buddy, you okay?" She saw the guy more clearly now he was in some tactical looking gear, some kind of helmet "Sir are you okay?" She felt her heart speed up the man still hadn't moved she started speed walking towards him, Y/n Was going to call out to him again...

only for her voice to die when she realized just who the man was, it's was the red-hood Y/n felt fear curdle into her stomach she'd heard about the gun trotting vigilante, how he kills people well bad people but still people none the less.

the h/c took a step back, but then noticed the subtle stream of red pooling around his body being mixed with the water and washed away from the rain and the hole in his shoulder. 

after some heavy thoughts the e/c girls managed to pull Red-hood up and somehow managed to dragged him back to her apartment. "Fuck you're heavy.." she grunted depositing the large guy on to her couch, then went searching around her apartment cabinets for that old bottle of whiskey her uncle had gifted for her 19th birthday...

The [Y/h] hummed finding it now she just needed to find the old med-kit. she looked into the upper crawl space and found her Uncle's kit and brought it down and went back to her living room Red was still out...And with a sigh the e/c girl tied her hair back and prepped for surgery, the benefit of being raised by a black market surgeon? was knowing that he didn't give two shits if she used his stuff.

She'd removed the bullet from Red-hood's shoulder being mindful of his privacy she didn't take his helmet off, but she did have to cut his shirt and unzipped his body armor off, if she wasn't in doctor mode right now the H/c would be drooling over his abs. 

Y/n hummed as she pulled out bits of Kevlar and body armor from his wound and stitched him up, then went to examine the bullet curiously it had a dull sheen to it almost like...

There was knock at her door Y/n frowned she wasn't expecting any visitors? She got up from her coffee table and went to check the peephole and her nose scrunched up like she'd smelled something sour when she saw who it was. Chris...wait she never told where she lived. the h/c felt a lump form in her throat. 

As she cautiously unlocked her door and opened it a crack. "What are you doing here?" Y/n hissed glaring at her ex co-worker suspiciously the greasy haired man pulled a "Charming" smile which failed miserably reminding Y/n of the joker.

"Well I heard Yvette fired you so I figured you could used a friend?" 

"No, thanks I got enough friends and you sure as hell ain't one of them.." She went to close the door and Chris wedged his foot between it, as he struggled to keep the door open.

"Well, At least let me take you out for a couple drinks." 

"No thanks, I've already got plans."

"With who?" Chris huffed still trying to pry his way in, The h/c tried to think of an answer when a tired and annoyed called from her living room. "Whose at the door babe?" Y/n glanced over her shoulder while Chris jumped away from the door as it opened wider to reveal a large man with raven hair with a white streak and green eyes coming up behind Y/n pulling a t-shirt on.

The e/c girl was borderline panicking and cheering to every god there was imaginable in her head, as her stalker gawked at the tall, handsome and muscular man who looked like he could easily snap his skinny ass over his knee like a twig.

"Oh this is Chris, he invited me for drinks." The greasy hair man swallowed as the large man's green eyes narrowed at him, like he knew all of Chris's dirty little secrets. "That was nice of him, Too bad you and I already got plans..." The raven haired man said curtly as Chris sweated bullets as he tried to come up with a response. But the message mystery man was sending him was loud and clear.

*Get the fuck out of here before I throw you off the roof.* Chris readjusted his tie and coughed awkwardly. "Yes, Well then I'll just be on my way." the greasy man said as the "couple" waved him off and closed the door, Y/n check the peephole and watched Chis stare bewildered at the door before walking out of her view, 

She relaxed for a few moments that was until a large hand wrapped around her neck. and tall muscular figure loomed over her threateningly. "Where the fuck am, and who the hell are you?" the man demanded eyes filled with suspicion.

"Good to see you up red." The h/c wheezed as the man squeezed her neck harder, his face contorted into a snarl. "Answer me or I'll snap your neck." He hissed as Y/n winced trying to keep her eyes focused "Y/n...You're at my apartment....I found you bleeding out on the street..." His brows furrowed and he let go of the h/c's neck, She took breaths and coughed trying to breathe. 

"Were you the one who fixed my shoulder?" Red asked examining her the y/h nodded clearing her throat. "Why?" The h/c shrugged rubbing her neck. "I don't know, would you have rather I call the cops?" Red's jaw set she had him there it was then he noticed a photo hanging on the side of her door, It was of an old man in army gear. 

"I know that guy, he was some quack who set up shop in the narrows."  

"Yeah that was my uncle...He taught me how fix people."

"Hmn, what was the deal with the neck-beard?"

"creepy Ex Co-worker, I just got fired tonight..."

Y/n muttered as Red's eyes went from the picture to her, she wasn't much to look at kind of plain really,her e/c eyes were swollen, hair a mess and her clothes were kind of sticking to her from the being caught in the rain. But other then that she smelled...safe, He hummed to himself then sighed "Go take a shower and put on some night clothes or whatever you girls wear." 

Y/n looked at him confused as Red huffed in annoyance. "I said we had plans didn't I? The h/c seemed unsure but, complied fifteen minutes later Y/n came out of he room in a f/c hoodie, gray t-shirt jean-skirt. When she went out into her living room she found Jason on his cell phone texting he noticed her and put it way and got up from her couch. "So, where are we going?" the H/c asked.

And that's how they ended up at a bar.

Y/n was complaining about Chris and Yvette, Chris was a creepy guy who still lived with his mom, he smelled like he bathed rotten eggs and would constantly lurk around her desk or send Y/n messages and...with photos, though she never opened any of his messages with image attachments mainly out fear of what she'll see. And Yvette Martine she's 40 acts and dresses like she's 16 and looks like leather face under all that make up she wears.

"and she has this chihuahua named Pretzel that she drags around in a little pink bag." She takes another sip of her beer. "the poor thing looks at me, like it's saying put me out of my misery." Red listened to her intently he seemed pretty annoyed just from hearing about these people. "That place wasn't an office, it was a high-school." He snarked causing Y/n to snarf and him to burst out laughing as she tried to clean up.

Fifteen minutes later the two were arguing about how Violet should've won Wonka's contest she's the only one who was willing to stick her neck out for the Oompa-Loompas, Red was insistent that Charlie deserved it after all the crap he went through to get the damn ticket aside from that stunt in the soda room he was pretty chilled and polite about the whole thing.

Then that turned it whether or not the Smurf's were mammals or not."Oh my god! Smurf's don't lay eggs! They're mammals!? Papa has effing beard!" Y/n jeered Red rolled his eyes at her scoffing "It's a single female in large group of males, she'd in heat every 24/7 if she didn't lay eggs!" He snarled and pointed at the little graph he made on a napkin. 

Neither had noticed they were getting closer to each other, Next thing they knew they making out on the bar, It wasn't till Bartender noticed Red pulling Y/n's skirt up and the h/c fiddling with his belt, "Yeah, alright Charlie get them out of here!" they snapped at the bouncer who kicked the two drunks out. 

The two burst out laughing and held each other up as walked down the street when Y/n stopped and glared at the large building. "Ish dis where yous used to works?~" Red slurred Y/n nodded bad mood returning. "Hey wanna trash yer bosses offishce?"

The e/c looked confused then smirked "Dey don't lock the back itsh brokin." she slurred back the green eyed man smiled like a kid on Christmas. "Aces! let's go." He grabbed her hand and led her around back, but paused at a junction box Red opened it and pulled a knife from his boot a and snipped a gold and black wire that controlled the security system and light blue one for the cameras.

Before continuing on to the back door. they found Yvette's office the and trashed the hell out of the shelves, awards smashed, make up and nail-polish smeared everywhere. and the cherry on top was when Y/n and Red had sex on Yvette's desk causing it to break.

 "Oh, fuck...Yvette gonna blow."Y/n giggled into Red shoulder as he gave her piggy back ride back to her place, they had just missed getting caught by a security guard.

Red chuckled obviously still hyped up the benefits of being inhuman; beastly vitality and recovery time. "What I would do to see the look on her face." he snickered picturing a 40 year old Haris Pilton throwing a toddler temper tantrum over her office. 

Needless to say their fun didn't end there, once they got back inside of Y/n's apartment, they had few more rounds of sex giving her neighbors an earful of just how loud the usually quiet h/c could be. it was around four am when they finally settled down. Y/n was pretty much knocked out and Red lazily threw his arm around her before dozing off...

Y/n's face heated up as it all came back to her, holy crap she trashed Yvette's office...holy crap she drunkenly gave her virginity up to a stranger...A hot stranger and it was mind blowing, but still a stranger!

But then again she trashed Yvette's office! Fucking over Yvette definitely weighed out the sex with a stranger...who was she kidding? the great sex and fucking over Yvette weighed out the stranger thing! Y/n had laid back down with Red who hummed tiredly pulled her closer to to him and dozed off...

only to be awaken abruptly a 11 by loud knocking she heard Red growl in annoyance next and mutter "leave it..." But the knocking persisted the h/n wiggled out of his arm and threw on a t-shirt and shorts wincing as she did so before making her way to her front door and opened it to reveal a enraged Yvette frothing at the mouth and crying causing her make-up to melt down her face. "Sorry, I'm all out ruby slippers, check with Dorthy down the hall." she went to close the door only for her ex-boss to hold the door open.

"YOU TRASHED MY OFFICE YOU BITCH!?" the blond shrieked causing a few neighbors to poke their head out of their apartments, just as an out of breath cop came running up to "Ma'm let us handle this." the pink pantsuit clad woman glared at the cop offended that he had the gall to tell her to stand down.

"Whats there to handle? I know it was her!" she pointed a finger a Y/n who stayed stone faced then turned to the officer "Look I don't know what she's on about, c'os I was here all night." the e/c girl said let she just described what color shirt she was wearing.

"And do you have anyone who can confirm that?" The cop said trying to restrain Yvette, as Red's voice cut in. "Yeah...Me and half her neighbors, pretty sure I had her screaming my name loud enough for the whole block to hear.~" He purred leaning against Y/n's bedroom door frame in his cargo pants, eyeing the h/c like a piece of meat. "Nice stamina on this one, kept me going till 4 am." he bragged the cop looked the nerdy looking girl in front of him was almost impressed then snapped out of it. 

"Where were you before then." 

"A bar, I think we got kicked out at about twelve?"

"Kicked out for what exactly?"

"Well, I did say until 4 am didn't I?"

Cop the coughed awkwardly "Right, sorry for the trouble. We'll just be... ma'am?" Both Jason and Y/n both looked a the wicked witch of the west side who was making goo-goo eyes at Jason who frowned obviously not liking the way she way looking at him, 

The raven haired grunted and went back to Y/n's room as the cop finally snapped the blonde out of it "ma-huh...who was that?" Y/n not wanting Red being one Yvette's victims said the words that would screw her. "My fiancee." she heard Red trip in her room he was listening...

The blond woman sneered in disgust "what a waste of a good man..." She humphed and walked down the hall leaving the cop and Y/n alone "FYI she made pay cuts last week pissed off a lot people..try one of them." the h/c informed the officer who was still gawking at her.

 "I'll be sure to do that...say if it doesn't work out betwee-" Y/n slammed the door in his face.

She then when to check on Red who had his head in his hands "Fiancee, seriously?" he asked looking up at her, Y/n shrugged "If you want to get jumped and diddled by the reason old people put plastic on their furniture, be my guest." 

The raven haired man snorted then sighed when his stomach growled "Wanna get brunch?"the two were silent for a few seconds the e/c muttered "Hell, yes." they went to a crappy diner down the block laughing about what just happened. "By the way..."

Y/n coughed trying not make this awkward "Last night was the first time I had sex." Red spat his coffee out at a waitress who glared at him, he muttered a quick apology then at gawked Y/n for a solid minute..."Fuck!.. Shit why didn't you say anything," He wiped off the counter with some napkins the waitress slammed in front of him. "I didn't hurt you did I?" he asked freaking out the h/c shook her head.

"No, I'm fine Red just sore." the green eyed man looked at her guiltily then sighed "Jason." Y/n looked up at curiously as money on the counter. "My name is Jason." and with that he left the diner, when Y/n got back to her apartment Red-hood's gear was gone. Y/n frowned suddenly for the first time in six years her apartment seemed dull and empty...  

[sirro85-blog]

Humans are Space Orcs

Part 5

Kneeling on the floor of the shuttle beside Kovac's body Wolf ripped open the medical kit and pulled out the TPAK needles and looked at the laminate instructions. He couldn't hear Panther over the screaming in his own head. Grabbing the first of the needles he unscrewed the cap and pressed his fingers into Kovac's chest, counting ribs, pointing his finger at the appropriate site he put the needle against the skin and pushed, it punctured the skin and drove into the muscle, once it was secure he drew the needle out and made it safe, nothing happened he checked the instructions again. Tissue embolus, snatching up the syringe he drew air into it and connected it to the needle. He depressed the plunger and when he detached the syringe he was rewarded with a prolonged hiss of air. He repeated it on the other side of the ribcage.

Knickers who had been trying to ventilate Kovac looked up with relief as Kovac drew a shallow breath. He drew two shuddering breaths and his breathing again started getting shallower.

Becca stared at the shuttle as it landed, behind her susserations passed through the unit as the whisper repeated themselves. "Kovac is dead?" "Kovac is dead!" Kovac can't be dead" "Kovac isn't dead!" "Kovac is dead" "Kovac..." "The Major..." her hands shook and she fought the urge to vomit. Her mouth was dry, her eyes burned, she had a metallic taste in her mouth and the tip of her nose seemed to tingle.

The doors to the shuttle opened, Wolf stepped out, a bound and gagged Flet chained to him and Panther. Gray, Ocampo Hemming and Richards stepped out. Then came a stretcher, beside it was Petra pale and tired looking. On the other side was Knickers who was staring at the Major's face till she stepped aside to let Dana and Staff King assess him. Then she looked up till she found Becca's face in the crowd.

"Massive left sided pneumothorax with resultant lower right atelectasis, hypovolaemic, query 2 minute episode of apnoea, sats 97 on 15 litres" Petra rattled off as Frank ran alongside the trolley.

Becca could still hear Petra talking as the doors swung shut on the med-bay. Wolf appeared at her side and gently steered her away from the crowd of soldiers into the side room. She managed two more strides before her knees gave way. Wolf guided her into a chair as she opened her mouth to scream and no sound came out. Trembling violently she felt Wolf's arms wrap tightly around her.

How long she they stayed like that Becca didn't know, but eventually she looked up to see Sergeant Panther, Captains Dorman, and Gillespie sitting in the room, standing leaning against the wall were Sergeants Fluke and Webb. Becca realised she was squeezing Wolf's arm with both hands, her nails had dug deep enough to draw blood from his wrist. Her fingers ached as she unclenched them. Wordlessly Panther poured her a glass of rum and passed it across, Becca downed it in one.

The door opened and a sombre looking Dana walked in, she looked at Wolf and then Dorman before crossing to stand infront of Becca.

"He's stable, we've repaired his lung but during the surgery...His heart stopped, he was down for nearly a minute. We'll have to run some tests when, if he wakes up."

Becca nodded numbly and tried to speak, she cleared her throat and tried again. "Thank you Dana, where's Frank?"

"Draining his last bottle of Courvoisier XO, I don't think he liked the part where the Major died." Dana's tone sounded angry.

"The problem with being the sort of man that earns love and loyalty like Kovac is people get upset when you die on them." Dorman said calmly, "I keep telling him he should try being unlikable like me."

"Does that mean I'm in command as senior officer?" Asked Gillespie, he winked at Becca and then Panther, "I think I'll reinstate prima nocta."

"Alright but Panther would break you little man," Becca said with a half-smile.

The officers began to talk and laugh, Dorman sent out the sergeants to talk to the men.

"She blames herself," Wolf said looking after Panther, "he was shielding her when he took the bolt."

Two days later Staff Sergeant King was glaring at the Major as he blew into a tube, "until I discharge you I am your commanding officer, I am emperor, king, high priestess and the Lord thy God, you can charm me all you want you mangy Scotch git, you are recuperating properly and doing your exercises."

"I'd tell you to get your oral fixation examined Frank but if blowing on this tube ten times a day will make you happy I'll do it. I will not be waiting over a month to heal naturally, now give me the AHMs so I can get on with my plan or I'll convince Angie to sneak me some, you know she'll do it too, and she'll take Petra down with her."

"If you have any kidney function left when this is all over I'll be amazed. Once this is resolved, I want you to come in for physio and a full medical check up."

"Once this is done I'll even let you check my prostate," Kovac grinned again.

The following morning Kovac laid in his bed while his officers sat around the room, Kovac asked about the prisoner.

"She seems willing to listen to us, I think she believes we can be manipulated." Dorman answered.

"I get the impression she is a little startled by the effectiveness of our raid and her capture. Our success has her worried."

"A huge success if you discount the Major's little problems," said Becca with a sneer.

"Everyone makes a fuss, i got injured. Hardly a fault of the mission, overall it was a complete success." Kovac replied.

"A complete success!? You fucking died!"

"Everybody makes a fuss," Kovac responded drawing a laugh from the others, Becca scowled.

Humans have a strange tendency to react to situations at a seemingly disproportionate level, small splits to their skin or a small shock can leave them "literally dying" an example of hyperbole. Kovac needing to be resuscitated on the operating table meant he said the injuries he had sustained, weren't ones he would reccomend.

The only thing bigger than a human's flair for the dramatic is a human's ability to down play something.

Kovac entered the room where the hostage was held, she eyed him as he crossed the room and as he sat in a chair she spoke.

"Major Radovan Kovac, formerly of the United Nations Galactic Defence Force then of the Galactic Council Defence Force and now leader of the human mercenary unit known as the Dark Horses, born Glasgow, Scotland in the year..."

"Impressive, you're Lorastayil claimant to the position of heir to the throne of the Flet Imperium, current prisoner to Major Kovac and judging by the speed of your heart, terrified of me no matter how calm you pretend to be," Kovac interrupted.

"My heart rate?" Lorastayil asked.

"The clip on your nose is taking measurements for us," Kovac raised a hand to silence the Flet. "Listen Kitty, we had a plan, it was simple, we use you to get to the rest of the royals and then we take all four of you out, we slip away into the darkness and watch as the rest of the royals fall apart trying to claim the top spot on the rubble, it would work. Believe me, I know how to topple governments I've done it before and Wolf, he's done it even more than me.

You know Wolf, he's the one that makes your heart skip a beat every time he glares at you, he has that effect on people."

Lorastayil stayed silent but her eyes never left Kovac's face, "however," Kovac continued, "while I'm sure pulling our plan off correctly would have been an end to this I'm not sure we would have achieved it without some losses and I've already lost one soldier over this, I'm not prepared to have another die to keep me alive, ironically it took dying to formalize my thoughts on this."

"The Flet Imperium," began the Flet.

"Oh do be quiet, the "Imperium" is barely two systems across and the only reason you get to keep it is because nobody wants it, everytime you've gotten expansionist the GCDF has slapped you down with one hand. You're a rogue state and the royal family makes you an easy mark to the sort of units that Wolf and I used to run, if I didn't care about collateral damage I'd break your little civilisation to teach you a lesson."

The Flet glared at Kovac and the Major held her gaze, "I have a plan however, one that keeps you alive, keeps my soldiers alive and puts an end to this."

Struggling to contain her anger Lorastayil stayed quiet for a few seconds before asking, "and what is this clever plan?"

"You take me back to Venita all the way to your capitol Genetry, we walk into the Royal Palace and you give me over to the Queen as your prisoner, you earn your place as heir apparent and the royal family win public support, I'm executed and my men are left alone. Now my men won't be happy about this, but because I'll do this voluntarily it'll hopefully take the edge off enough that they don't seek revenge."

"You'd die willingly?" Lorastayil asked her tone doubtful.

"No, not willingly but I'll accept it, better me than one of my men, that's the trick of being in command, my duty is to them, my leadership is the service I give them." He gave a sigh, "do you accept?"

"I have a choice?"

"Of course, I could always torture you till you agree to my first plan and we break your civilisation, not much of a choice but a choice none the less."

Kovac couldn't have successfully moved Lorastayil onto a shuttle secretly without assistance from Wolf, it appeared that Wolf was fully informed of the plan because as Kovac boarded the Shuttle I witnessed the two pause, shake hands solemnly and then part with a nod. An interaction I had never seen between the two of them before.

Unlike the human home planet, the Flet planet of Venita had developed as almost entirely a rainforest, since industrialisation much of the planet's growth had been cut back but it still retained it's verdant appearance. Even the capitol city of Gentry had a lot of green spaces. And in the centre, shining in the sunlight was the Royal palace, it's direct translation to human would be "glass" although the building was built from quartz.

Kovac walked with his head held high, for all appearances enjoying the view of the rain wet building gleaming in the sunlight. Kovac looked out of place in the light, bright building, wearing dark military fatigues his booted feet rang loud as he walked down the hallway. Around him walked his guards, soft footed and silent, despite their height and mass being greater than the human's they seemed diminished by him, or perhaps that was only my perception.

They paused before the great door to the hall, Lorastayil suddenly intense as she stared at Kovac.

"Do you want to die human? You seem at great ease."

"No, no I don't, I wish this could have worked out another way." He looked around, "it's beautiful here," he remarked absently, "I don't want to die but none of us choose how we die, even those poor souls who take their own life do so as a symptom of a disease often as not, the only thing you get a choice over is how you face your death. I'll stand on my own two feet and look it in the eye thank you." He gestured to the door, "shall we?"

The Flet Imperium is a culture devoid of much of the trappings of power that other civilisations cultivate. Pomp and ceremony; grandiose displays of power and privilege are not seen in the Flet royal court. In brief order Lorastayil was welcomed back, Kovac introduced and sentenced to death.

Kovac grinned up at the Queen and with a sudden movement had darted past the two large Kitty's that were nominally his guards.

"You know, I have read something of your culture and your laws, something the humans have known for Millenia 'know your enemy' a concept not respected by your finer military minds." Kovac stopped several feet from the throne, his guards closed in but hesitated to restrain him.

"For example, I know that Flet instinct will always be to trust in your claws not your hand held weapons, which puts the two guarding me at a disadvantage, while they are still suppressing the urge to resort to claws, I can instinctively fight with anything, in my reach...ask me about a pineapple sometime." As if to illustrate this point Kovac moved.

He sprang to his left into the nearest guard knocking it off balance, he butted his forehead into the side of its jaw with enough force to cause rotation of the head, the Flet spilled it's weapon and stumbled back. Kovac snatched up the dropped power lance but knowing he lacked the appropriate number of limbs to fire the weapon didn't pause in his movement but instead threw it hard as he could at the second guard who was still fumbling with its own power lance. The Kitty stumbled back and Kovac followed up with a flying knee to it's sternum knocking it flat.

As suddenly as he had moved he was still again, Kovac spread his arms wide as more guards converged on him.

"You see when I say I know you, I know you, so when I say I demand trial by combat, I know you are obliged to meet my demand and decide my fate inside the 'ring' as it were."

The Queen watched Kovac and gave a silent yawn, the Flet equivalent of a smile. "You may think you know us Major, however the demand for trial by combat is only something I'm obliged to honour if you are a subject, and that little display was designed to provoke me, provoke my anger but not all Flet are slaves to their rage." She raised two arms and then with another silent yawn gestured at her guards, "kill him."

Kovac backed up quickly out of the semi-circle of approaching guards, Lorastayil was watching him as more guards entered. Kovac produced a small curved blade, seemingly from nowhere and looked at the Flet heir.

"You know I rather liked the idea of meeting death while standing, but what I think I've always known is I'm going to go out kicking and screaming and fighting all the way." He looked around at the guards who were raising their power lance and I saw his weight shift.

Shots rang out, not the muted pop of a power lance but the sharp crack of human rifles. Several of the Flet guards dropped to the ground, Kovac was already moving towards the nearest Flet when Captain Wolf led the assault on the rear of the guard unit. From my vantage point of multiple awarenesses I saw Captain Becca kneeling just inside the entrance to the hallway and taking aim at the Flet queen. Sergeant Panther flanked by Barbie and Buckets closed in on one of the heirs, rifle shots ringing out everywhere.

Kovac my have been wrong about the precise laws and customs of the Flet but he wasn't wrong about their instincts, caught by surprise many of the Kitty guards dropped their power lances, instinctively wanting to use their own claws when provoked. Those that held onto their weapons were still slow in responding with fire themselves.

Kovac had already attacked the two nearest Flet his karambit knife slashing open throats and major blood vessels as he burst through the circle.

Captain Dorman led his troop in through the side entrance and more shots echoed through the hall. Kovac grabbed Lorastayil and forced her against a wall, the larger being letting the smaller human manhandle her. Their frantic conversation lost to the gun battle.

Moments later the hall fell silent, as the last Flet fell, two humans were down but both were moving, Petra and Angie moved between them and Sergeant Webb organised a stretcher team. Captain Becca began shouting orders and Sergeant Panther led the soldiers of 2 Troop out of the great hall.

Wolf reached Kovac and looked down at the dead Lorastayil, "She declined my offer of peace," Kovac said with regret in his voice. Looking up at his captain Kovac gestured around, "I thought you understood my reasons for not doing something like this?"

Wolf pulled Kovac across the hall his men closing in around them, "Oh I did, but the idea that a man was willing to lay down his life for the protection of his soldiers, well I have this feeling that sort of man is the sort I'd like to keep alive."

In the distance explosions boomed out as Captain Gillespie's mortar unit laid down sporadic fire across the military barracks.

"Your men were in agreement when I told them what you planned, apart from Staff King, he says he's saved you enough recently and stayed behind."

They hurried onto the extraction ship and as Captain Dorman counted his men back on Kovac looked around at his soldiers, his expression unreadable.

Captain Becca approached him and the ship went silent as she reached him and then punched him in the face.

"You bastard! She screamed, I nearly lost you and the first thing you did in response was try and get yourself killed!?" She drew back her fist again but Wolf and Panther restrained her, men laughed and Kovac pinching his bleeding nose approached his officers.

The time for awkward thank yous was later, they were still in Flet space now.

"The Frell sent us pass codes they...happened to have," Dorman said to Kovac's unasked question. "Once we were inside their airspace they have almost no security."

"Major have we started another war? What will happen next?" Gillespie asked, loud enough for the soldiers to listen in.

"Maybe, but I don't think so, I think the political powers will enjoy the loss of a faction from their halls of power and I think that whoever finally claims the empty royal throne, they'll be slightly grateful to us for getting them there and if not...they'll think long and hard before they decide to fuck with the Dark Horses again."

The End.

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

Alright Humans and Humanoids, it's time for another rant. Today's topic: a suddenly judgmental 'friend'

Ok, so, there is a woman who I've been friends with for about 5 yrs who we will call... L. She was around when my health started the initial Big Spiral that caused me to have to go on disability. She took me to the e.r. & to procedures. She was helpful & supportive. She helped me come to terms with needing mobility devices & encouraged me to go into pain management, knowing full well that I was at the point where I had tried everything short of the dreaded opioid medication. She knew I was scared of the judgement that can come with it. This last year or so though she has become less supportive, more self centered. Example: she had a baby a year ago. When she went back to work, it was one day a week & really only needed 2 hrs of childcare that day before her husband (who is amazingly sweet & still super supportive) got off work. So I volunteered. 2 hrs once a week was doable. Then she started her practicum hours for school. Suddenly she needed 5 hrs for 2 days and the 2 hrs the other day. She knew that me feeling as useless as I do, I would say yes, even though it was far too much. After 2 months, her husband made her find daycare because when he picked up the kiddo every day, he could see how badly it was killing me. After that, she stopped talking to me unless she needed someone to bitch about her life to. Fine. We all go through periods like that. It will get better, I thought (stupidly). Since then, I've only seen her when her husband invites me over for game night. Ok. Fine.

Which brings us to today. I went over for the baby's first birthday. I pretty much just hang with her husband & his friend because they are chill and because there were WAY WAY more people there than I was lead to believe there would be, so there's a ton of noise. I'm chatting with those guys about something I discovered regarding my medication (which I've been on, at the same dose, for nearly 2 yrs) that makes it work better in emergency situations (like if the pain is super overwhelming, can't move kind of bad). I purposely was not going to tell her, but she walked outside at just the wrong time. She immediately becomes super condescending & judgmental in tone, lecturing me about opioid addiction & basically treating me like a junkie. Here are some relevant facts about this little talk:

#1. I have been on this dose for nearly 2 yrs. I never take more than I'm prescribed, often less, actually, so that I am able to address emergency situations.

#2. In emergency situations, this is my last resort. I take OTC meds, use heat or ice, stretch, ect FIRST.

#3. My pain tolerance is NUTS. If I'm not tearing up when I move/put weight on that body part, it's fine and I just need heat/ice and rest.

#4. This woman is an ex heroin addict who up until she learned she was pregnant was doing molly on the regular and getting falling down drunk a minimum of twice a week.

#5. Remember me mentioning her practicum hours? Yeah, she is getting her masters and licensing to become an addiction counselor.

#6. She know goddamn well that even being prescribed these meds was a last resort for me, so anything other than my scaled down maintenance dose is absolutely a last resort.

SO WHAT THE FUCK. She made me feel small, ashamed, and absolutely like shit about doing what I need to fucking do to survive. Yes, I am in constant excruciating pain, but the emergency pain we are talking about? That shit makes me want to kill myself just so it will stop.

My dad (whom I live with) sees how bad it gets. I can see it physically hurt him to be helpless to do anything about it. In those moments, he looks so small and old. I told him what I was doing and his response was "Are you still able to measure the dose accurately?" When I confirmed that I can, he said "Does it work?" Again, confirmed. "DUDE THAT'S AWESOME! That's like a total game changer for you!" (Now you know where I get part of my speech patterns from since I type the way I speak.) Like, if my dad (and my other 4 friends, who basically reacted the same way) are just overjoyed I found a way to manage the pain better, then she should be, too.

But she isn't. I don't know that I can maintain that friendship anymore. She is literally NEVER happy for me or encouraging about anything. Example: I finally found a decor scheme that I want to pursue for my spaces. (I'll post about that next because I'm PUMPED AS HELL.) I sent her pictures I'm using for inspiration with a lot of words conveying my extreme excitement and she responded with "I dunno. That's really eclectic & a lot of colors. It looks, like, cluttered and nothing matches. Don't do too much of it. I'm sure you'll change your mind soon." I was like:

but instead of 'meep' I definitely said bitch. I can't imagine being that consistently negative about EVERYTHING that isn't what you like/want/believe. That must take so much energy. I really don't need that kind of person in my realm right now. I've got dragons to befriend or vanquish (those dragons will be my friends or they will be cut down) and stuff to paint.

Really sad thing is today she was lamenting that she only has 3 'real friends' left since having the baby. I don't understand how she can lack that much self awareness. I'll still be nice when she reaches out, because I'm friends with her husband, but I'm not pouring more energy into that relationship. It isn't worth it & is incredibly one sided. Just because I put a lot of time into it doesn't mean I should continue to do so. Not at such a steep price.

*DISCLAIMER FOR ANYONE CONCERNED:

just so we are clear on this, I'm not doing anything dumb like shooting up my meds. Just fyi. I'm not entirely comfortable (after today's experience) with disclosing what I'm doing. To be frank, I don't tell many people what I'm even on in the first place. It's nobody's biz. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[thatsarcasticlillithgirl]

Buckle up, Babes, we're taking a little trip almost three years back and about 1700 miles north east. This is a story of mental health being handled poorly by police. and an emergency room. I am not the 'main character' but I have permission (to say the least) to tell this little tale. This story takes place in a fairly little Connecticut town, Willimantic, Summer of 2019. If things feel a little choppy or undetailed, this was 3 years ago, a very very bad day, and I'm trying to tell two sides of a story when I was only privy to mine in some cases.

What you, dear reader, needs to know from the outset of this story is my best friend, henceforth: Dean, is a US Army Vet with non-combat related PTSD.

 She was, at this time, haphazardly medicated and still struggling more than not, and then there was an issue where she ended up without meds. I believe there were a few days that were shaky, and then the day our story really kicks off. Now at this time I was living with her and her husband, her husband was at work. I don't remember how the day started, but it was pretty quickly obvious she was not doing well at all. She was intent on trying to harm herself and intent on breaking everything. (We were finding glass under stuff a year later) And while this wasn't really confirmed it is a shared belief between her and I that she was in a state of psychosis, She just didn't look like anyone was...home, most the time and when she did come back to herself temporarily she was scared. If I'm nothing else I am loyal to a fault and time and time again I was getting in her space, trying to physically stop her from hurting herself and ending up not really being hit so much as shoved/thrown away. I don't really know how long this went on because 5 minutes felt like 2 hours, but over the course of the day she cut herself, possibly multiple times, burned herself with a torch, and attempted to get hit by a car. ((A HUGE FUCK YOU to the douchebag who could clearly see this was a not great situation and was driving along slowly antagonizing her while I was yelling at them to just fucking drive. Mostly for their own fucking safety, too. )) Not only did I want to avoid calling 911 if possible, It wasn't like I'd had much opportunity, but at one point I somehow came under the impression she'd taken a lot of some pill or other and when I'd ask she wasn't giving me a yes or a no, So using what at that time I thought was my best judgement I called 911, told them the situation, probably did mention her being aggressive but I can't remember. EMS showed, Police showed. 

Originally one police officer took me somewhat around the house, she was in back, to talk to me. I don't remember the conversation but it didn't get all that far before THREE more cops joined us there. Now seven cops had showed up, I now had four on me, and three on her, which, logic...but anyway, one of them asks me: "Did she hit you?" and I kinda had the presence of mind right then to realize despite this being a welfare call atleast one person was leaving in handcuffs and also if I said yes she hit me, They were likely to try and stick her with an Ass/Batt charge, and also cursing her in my mind for not shutting the fuck up to the police (She was in no headspace to be held accountable for anything she said honestly) and at this same time all four of these cops had moved way too far in to my bubble for comfort. I answered them with "We were fighting", while Stepping. Backwards.(Because I got my own issues with men and they were crowding me) 

I only emphasize that because the cop told me I tried to run. Never even acted like I was turning my back, and the cop grabbed me to cuff me. Now, In my head, I was silent trying to process how things had fucked this far off the path they should have been on. Apparently that was not the case. Dean would end up telling me later on I had gotten loud and she tried to take off from the cops to see what was going on and asking them if they were arresting me. Because even then with everything that happened, was happening, and would happen, I was still her little sister. Anyway, They ended up throwing her to the ground to cuff her. I remember none of the short cop car ride but I remember where my head was. I was distraught, saying to myself, or maybe out loud...fuck I really could have been screaming at this point, that she was going to hate me and never forgive me. Once at the PD I was taken to a holding cell. At the time I had in earrings, but they were the piercing studs that in least some of the holes went in when they were pierced and had not come out.

My hands were shaking, I'm sobbing, and this one cop was yelling at me to get them taken out , and eventually threatened to hold me on bail if I did not cooperate. I was trying to make it clear that not only were the backs tight, It was painful, and I was trying. He had the audacity to tell me "It's not that hard" and eventually I did get them out, cried in a cell for like thirty minutes, then they took me to book me. I almost got myself in to more trouble because at first nobody would tell me shit about my best friends well-being, you know, the whole fuckin reason all this was going on. Finally I think one of the cops realized it might be easier to just tell me "Yeah, we got her to the hospital, where she needs to be." YEAH. NO FUCKING SHIT. ITS ALMOST LIKE THAT"S WHY WE'RE IN THIS ROOM TOGETHER NOW, ASSHOLES. I was charged with disturbing the peace or whatever the fighting charge is, released on a promise to appear for court the next day, and a no-contact order. Which I did bring a good point up, small detail, to the cops uh...I FUCKING LIVED IN HER HOUSE. And the only other person in the state. Or New England. Or 1700 miles, That I really knew was her husband.They basically told me ...tough.((This is also as good a time as any to mention they also did not read me rights when arresting me)) So I left the police station and I do not know that I ever made a conscious decision to go, but autopiloted one block over to my therapists office.

 I can only imagine by about this point I had to look a whole fuckin mess, Bruises from getting tossed around starting to show, bruises on my wrists from the handcuffs, sobbing, Ink on my transferring from my fingers after they took my prints and trying to wipe my face. I do not know what I told the ladies at the front desk other than I had just been let go from the police station, and by some miracle my therapist was there and had available time to talk to me, which probably kept me from doing anything stupid. ((I have BPD, She was and is my favorite person, and I was dead convinced at this point she would never want to see me again)) and my therapist helped set me up with a ride to court and we came to the conclusion that there was no way the hospital let her go, so I should go home. I don't know if I got a ride or walked by myself, but unsurprisingly the hospital in this town was also inept at best, and sent her home. (I'd later learn they had seen her clawing into the cuts on her inner arm, and still did so) And well in an effort to not make an even long story longer, I spent the night in their garage in her 67 Impala, we went to court...I went back to her house because I had literally nowhere else I could go. She had moments of calm and clarity, a lot more moments of not.

It would be on night 4 since all this had started her husband ended up taking her 1.5 hours away to the VA hospital, She was hospitalized for two weeks, and I am so proud of her because with help from the VA and especially her assigned peer support she has been more or less on a good med regiment and more or less stable. We both ended up paying fines. And on my suggestion we did the only logical reasonable thing to follow all of that shit. Matching handcuff tattoos on our middle fingers, Pictured above.

(To be clear, Those in the wrong in this story were the Willimantic Police Department who lacked mental health training and arrested a veteran suffering psychosis and the person trying to help her, and Windham Hospital whose psych ER is a damn joke. Not my friend)

[gariparent-blog]

Everything they had taught me when I was young, was wrong.

As a child, everything I was taught was so strongly gendered that I couldn't even understand what transgender really was. My parents taught me that it was disgusting and wrong. In middle school when I started to be more independent and learned about the world and myself, I began to realize who I was and it frightened me. I wasn't scared because I was trans, I was scared because of what my family had been saying all those years and how they would treat me. I kept lying to myself to be safe, but it only made my mental health worse and I was put on antidepressants. After that, I was comfortable enough with my identity that I cut off my hair and bought boxers. I was happy and proud of myself, confident even. But then my family started to suspect things obviously. They began to pry and ask me questions that I didn't want to answer because I knew how they would react if I told them the truth. That's when my psychiatrist took matters into his own hands. He looked at me and pretty much said that he knew my mother better than I did and that she would love me still. And against my protest outed me to her. After that, things had escalated to the point where my medicine was no longer any use to me. My step dad had took my binder and cut it up in front of me with a knife, and it felt as though he had killed a part of me with it. He then told me that I either needed to get my act together or get out of his house. I was in shock, even though I knew that this would happen. Maybe a week later he forced me to sit with him while he lectured me for over four hours to tell me about god and how disgusting I was and that I was faking. He also told me that if my grandfather were still alive, I would never be allowed in his house ever again. He demanded that I answer him, but I was too terrified to speak. I could only make out a couple of strangled words because my throat was so tight with fear. Soon after that it was my dad's visitation weekend and my mom and step dad were out of the house so while they were gone, I had packed up the majority of my belongings. I wasn't planning on going back. My biological father was very supportive when I came out. He told me that I could stay, but if my mom made a fuss I would have to go back because I wasn't 18 yet. The end of the weekend came when my mom texted me asking when I was coming home, and when I told her I wasn't, she exploded. She said that I was a liar and a fake. Said that I was doing this to pit her and my father against each other and said that I was manipulative. And then she told me if I didn't come back, she would call the police. I knew that she was controlling. I know how hard it is to get away from her. I am 18 now, but I'm still stuck because she said I can't move out because she is still legally responsible for my schooling. Things have settled down some, but still, I feel like a prisoner. They tell me that I'm doing this for attention, but to me that doesn't make sense because why would I want all of this negativity aimed at me? I have stopped going to my therapist because my mom hated her for supporting me. I stopped taking my meds because my mom said that was the cause of all this. She even tried to switch my meds to try and convert me back to the way I once was. However, it didn't change me back. There was no going back. Even after all of the pain, I couldn't just pretend to be the same as I once was. I'm still suffering, but this is nothing compared to hiding from myself and everyone else. Whatever they do to me, whatever comes my way, only makes me stronger. And only makes me believe that my identity is valid even more so. I am so much more than who they thought I was, and I will continue to grow into the man I was always meant to be.

[askjennie]

I can't tell if my parents are emotionally abusive. I googled some symptoms, but not all of them match, only like 2-4. Well, anyway, my older brother had intermittent explosive disorder, he lashes out all the time and its scary i use to think its just this teenage thing that he is going through, and it only happens at home but it happened so frequently kids at his school told the teachers cause they're scared of him. He has to see the counselor and she said he may have IED, she told him to tell

Continued: to tell our parents, but he hasn’t because my parents are very religious. My sister developed depression through her teenage years and when she told my parents they told her its cause shes not praying properly. My brother has never had violent outburts until he was around 15, he used to get bullied as well, boys would touch his butt, make fun of him 24/7. thank god the bullying had completely gone now, he’s 16 now. My sister has anxiety, she has to have meds, and to go therapy. My dad said therasaid therapy is for wusses. My mom is controlling,she controls my appearance, (im 14) what i wear, how i do my hair etc. A couple of months ago, she forcefully made me get a haircut, and she did it herself, she said she would trim it but she cut off from right above my rib cage to my chin. I was crying the whole time. Its still barely growing back now. My mom constantly wants to be with me, im excited to go to college, and to be more independent and live in a dorm and she said shes gonna come wishes gonna come with me, she refuses to believe im growing up. and when i say no, she tries to play the victim and act out like shes the one whos hurting. my dad is irritable af, hes always shouting and gets angry over the smallest things. 

Jennie: Here are some examples of emotional abuse that you’ve mentioned in your ask:

Denying someone professional mental health support in favour of telling them to pray more.

Controlling aspects of someone’s appearance, against their will (e.g. it’s appropriate to choose your child’s clothes when they’re a baby and don’t care what they wear. It’s not appropriate to control the appearance of a teenager with their own style preferences. When someone is old enough to take an interest in their appearance, they should have a say in it).

Forcibly cutting someone’s hair.

Acting like the victim when confronted about controlling behaviour, and trying to make the real victim feel guilty.

Regularly getting angry and shouting at someone over little things.

Your parents don’t need to match all the ‘symptoms’ of emotional abuse to be emotionally abusive. If they regularly do at least one thing that is abusive, they are abusive. Could your brother explain to the school counselor why he doesn’t want to tell his parents (e.g. because of how they reacted when your sister had depression)? Could you talk to the school counselor about all of this, and explain your home situation? It sounds important that you talk to someone about this, because your brother clearly needs support, and maybe you do as well. If there’s no one in your life you feel like you can talk to right now, you could contact a helpline.

This won’t last forever, and you will have your opportunity to be independent. Your mom is not going to come and live in dorms with you. The older you get, the more you will be able to make your own decisions, whether your parents like it or not.

[eds-zebra-warrior]

2021 Ehlers Danlos Society Awareness Month (Day 18 Prompt: Words to Parents)

I am interpreting this prompt in two different ways so will address it as such starting with explaining how my parents are with my condition and then words to parents of kids newly diagnosed or who present with a wide array of symptoms.

My parents were awesome prior to my diagnosis. There were things I wish they had known and even now wish they knew but I almost always had that support system some don't have. Sure there were a lot of times I would tell my mom I was having chest pain or my heart was pounding where she would say “It's probably just anxiety” and of course when anyone has a headache, runny nose, stuffy nose, scratchy throat or generally coming down with some kind of bug her notorious saying was “It’s probably just your sinuses” which me and my dad still talk about to this day. She went decades of her life taking Sudafed every morning truly believing she just had bad sinuses to find out years later she was actually having an allergic reaction the entire time due to Systemic Mastocitosis and really needed allergy meds and since she had bad sinus issues she seemed to think anything and almost everything that someone was experiencing from the lungs lungs up, weather it be a migraine, eye pain, sore throat, coughing, going horse, runny nose, bloody nose etc. it was just your sinuses which usually wasn't the case because soon after I would test positive for strep throat, oh the times I had strep throat. I had it so often that when I got it, I started not even noticing the throat pain believing my mom that it was my sinuses but more major like a sinus infection, to go to the doctor and find I had strep again and was desensitized to the pain. Sometimes my whole throat and mouth would be covered in blisters before the pain was bad enough just because I always had strep. Occasionally it was other things like my migraines growing up I now know were from Occipital neuralgia, craniocervical and atlantoaxial instability. So she didn't always take me seriously but I have to admit, after two decades of your life being told you're a hypochondriac and your symptoms are all in your head, I started to believe I was crazy myself and that my symptoms either weren't real or much less severe than they really were.

My dad being autistic never really dealt with my health stuff very much. He just isn't knowledgeable in it and has no clue what to do so my mom was the one who did that. Though she pawned off a lot of my more serious issues on it all being on my head she was always there for me. She took me to the hospital if it was needed and knew I didn't say I needed to go to the hospital unless I really felt like death. There have been several times where doctors have tried to say nothing is wrong and send me home where she has literally refused to take me home or argued with doctors but this was mostly after my diagnosis. I kind of wish she would have done this and pushed harder when I was a kid as she very much has, I guess you would call it brand loyalty but it went further than only grocery shopping at Meijer, literally fighting with me for years about leaving Verizon because in her mind Verizon was the only company that was any good, only allowing one person to cut her hair even if it meant following her to a new job, she had a doctor she liked and stayed with him for most of my life and denied he wasn't a good doctor after an incident in high school which caused me to switch. It's hard for her to move on even if there is no progress or things start to get worse so one thing I wish is she would have done a little more doctor shopping when I was a kid.

Doctor shopping is oftentimes frowned upon at and when most people hear of doctor shopping they tend to think of it as someone who goes from doctor to doctor looking for drugs or or to sign disability papers so they can get a free ride at life but when you have a rare disease doctor shopping means something totally different and can even be so vitally important your life and future depends on it. I had so many doctors who simply invalidated my symptoms saying I was making them up for attention or had a mental illness. Many of these doctors did nothing at all but the majority of them did the exact same tests over and over. If it was a doctor outside of the hospital they did a CBC, Chem. and a 7 (Basic Metabolic Panel) which always came back normal or borderline normal therefore they deemed me healthy, slapped a psychiatric disorder on me or simply said there's nothing wrong and sent me on my way,

If I went to the hospital, they would do the CBC, Chem. 7, accuse me of doing drugs or being pregnant or when I was really little bring in case managers making accusations of child abuse that wasn't happening, then do a drug test, pregnancy test and STD testing, say the CBC and Chem. 7 were normal or near normal, congratulate me on not being pregnant, having any illegal substances in my system or STD’s, slap a psychiatric disorder on me saying they tested everything and sent me home. When I got older, lucky me, I got two drug tests, the urinalysis drug test and when it came back normal, they would come in and draw my blood assuming if I was having seizures, passing out or having heart palpitations I must be on drugs and tampered with the urine test. I wish prior to my diagnosis my dad would have had a computer and learned to use it and both my parents would have done more research. I also wish they had advocated for me better and if one doctor said they didn't know or didn't believe me, they would have moved on to another doctor because if I could have gotten diagnosed sponsor it would have saved me some permanent damage to my body that I have now and possibly spared me some of the medical abuse and neglect though even with a diagnosis you can't avoid it, especially when it comes to the hospital.

Doctors and nurses are just as lazy as everyone else. It's just like every other job where 5% of the employees do 90% of the work and 90% of the employees do 5% of the work. The ones who actually take their jobs seriously are used to the max by their coworkers and like me when I was a nurse, didn’t believe the patients deserved to suffer or pay for their staffs laziness and neglect and those are the ones who try to play superman taking on their patients and everyone else's, answering call lights that aren't theirs, bringing food to others patients, making sure they are turned or their catheters have been emptied and generally running around like a chicken with their head cut off and I can always tell who falls into the 90% who uses the 5%, carrying less about the patient as long as they get a paycheck and the 5% who look like they are about to fall over yet still giving what they don't have to make sure the patient doesn't pay for their lazy staff member.

It's very easy to tell when you have spent a large portion of your life in doctors offices and hospitals and learn how rare it is to get one of the people in the 5% as your medical personnel and watching the lazy staff you have out your door at the nurses station sitting with other lazy staff in front a computer laughing at a YouTube video their watching, gossiping and talking badly about another patient loud enough for you to hear, playing pranks on each other, one nurse who drops her pants moons another in a room of 9-11 year old little boys, The nurse who has the pediatric patient who flat lines, on bad days, it's not uncommon for this to happen 20 times in one day and at their best, at the very least multiple times a week. The patient's vitals are linked to a pager the nurse carries so if the patient's heart stops the pager will alert them yet they consistently leave the pager in the patient's bed, on their night stand, at one of the computer kiosks where nurses chart, in another patients room, in the activity room or god knows where. I've found it in the bathroom on the toilet paper mount, in the linen closet on top of some towels, you name it then this same nurse who is buddy buddy with the nurse slips away with a coworker to the activity room or to the nurses lounge for you to later walk in on them playing cards and talking bad about patients or other staff. The two nurses going through a wedding magazine, looking at dresses and hear one say “That's my room”, and the other one say “Just ignore it and let Janett get it” Yes these are true stories down to the name used for the poor nurse who was running around like a chicken with her head cut off. All experiences I have seen either in the roll of the nurse and in the roll of the patient.

I was mostly around nurses and of course you don't see doctors very often but being in a chair I have been forced to use a bedpan before and seen examples similar to this with doctors as well. Once I was taken downstairs for a cardiac ultrasound, asking to go to the bathroom before they took me down because I had my call light on to go before transport even came in my room. They told me I would only be down there 10 or 15 minutes and asked me if I could wait. They took me down there to beds of people lining the halls and I had 18 people in front of me. Well, 15 minutes turned into 4 hours. I asked multiple times to go to the bathroom and they said they don't have a wheelchair down there and if I can't walk to the bathroom I have to hold it. I even asked if they could call up to my room and have my mom bring my chair down and as gross as it sounds, I even got desperate, breaking into a sweat I had to pee so bad and asked them to wheel my bed outside the bathroom and lower it as low as it goes, and I would put my blanket and pillows on the floor and slide out of my bed onto the floor myself and they can pull me on the blanket to the toilet or I could army crawl and use my arms to pull myself up onto the toilet. They still said no. I asked earlier on if they could take me back to my room or bring a wheelchair, still no.

Eventually I told one of the nurses that I had to pee for 3.5 hours, she saw that I was all sweaty and shaking. I said if they don’t get me somewhere to pee within the next few minutes they were going to have a huge mess to clean up. She grabbed two bedpans, a small one and a bit one, said you're tiny and I told her no, use the big one, I have EDS so my bladder can stretch really far and I can easily pee 22 oz. so she rolled me into a doctor's personal office, he was in there watching a movie on Netflix on his computer, yes a full blown Netflix movie. He tried to flip the screen back to an ultrasound image really quick when the nurse stormed in with me to make it look like that's what he was doing but he fumbled around a little bit and wasn't fast enough. The nurse told him to get out so he left and I had to pee in a bed pan in his office… then spent the next few weeks having to wear diapers for bladder leaks because they let me hold my bladder so long my bladder stretched out too much from hypermobility and it folded on top of itself resulting in bladder leaks until it shrink back down. Thank you OSU. Doctors can also be extremely lazy and I wish this was something my parents acknowledged more or took more notice of and fought more for me, looked more into my rights, such as being able to call a patient advocate or fire doctors and nurses which is something I had to find out myself.

I found out I had EDS before I was even diagnosed which is what made me fight so hard to find a doctor who has heard of it. I got desperate being sick and spent years learning how to find and read medical journals. When Facebook started having groups I started joining groups to ask questions, I started going to doctors and no longer letting them call the shots. If they said they wanted to do a Chem. 7 and CBC I would say that's fine if they want to but it will come back normal and start requesting tests that aren't considered standard and that are used to test for specific conditions rather than just evaluating me for acute conditions. I started walking in and telling doctors how I felt and when they either said well we will see you in a year to see if things change or wanting to run just the basic CBC and Chem. 7 I would start saying “Could you run a 24 hour Tryptase Urinalysis”, “Could you run a gastric emptying study”, “could you run a 24 hour urine for Cortisol levels”, “could you run an ELISA”, “would you write for a flexion/extension MRI with contrast”, “What about a rotational CT” “Everyone wants to do a colonoscopy but instead of ordering that can you order an Endoscopy this time?” “I would like to get an “ATCH Stem test”, “I know you have never heard of one but if I email you the information will you order a Tilt Table Test”, “You’re doing that Aortic Ultrasound without contrast? It’s supposed to be done with contrast. Could you call up to the doctor and ask him to add contrast before you start?”

Sure a lot of doctors would downright refuse. I have gone in 5 and 6 times asking for a test and being told no, only to go in the 7th time and be told “It will come back negative but if I order this will you quit bugging me about it?” for them to order it and the test to come back positive for the condition I wanted it ordered for then they treat me like total crap to the point the office staff is mentioning about how bad he is treating me to find out he’s doing it on purpose to try to get rid of me as a patient, probably because he realized what he said was really wrong and he made himself look bad. I have learned that if a doctor isn't willing to listen to move on and find someone who will. You need to find one who is willing to run the test or even just ask if I can email them some medical journals or information about the test or showing the importance of it or why I believe it needs done, willing to learn and if I can prove my case they will order it no problem.

I wish I had someone who started this for me as a child who did the research or helped me do the research to know what tests to ask for and to find a new doctor for me if one was either trying to slap a psychiatric label on me or acted interested but simply refused to run any tests so my care went stagnant. I still wish my parents knew the ins and outs of EDS like I do and really researched it because it makes me a little nervous when a squad is called and they are stumbling over my diagnosis or saying “She has oh, that one heart thing that makes it go really fast. Oh what's it called or only naming like two of my conditions. It also scares me that one day I will be rushed in internally bleeding since things like Aortic Dissection, Carotid Dissection, Mesenteric Dissection, Iliac Dissection or Femoral Dissection as well as uterine and bowel rupture are common and can happen very suddenly in EDS that my parents may not know the common areas for bleeds or know them from most to least common so they may not know where to look or may not realize its actually internal bleeding at all until it's too late.

With all of the craniocervical manifestations I also fear I will be sent in for respiratory distress a or something else emergent relating to my craniocervical instability and my family family won’t realize its from the instability and if they do they wont know where to find information to prove this to a doctor or who the five surgeons in the US are who can operate on it so I will either end up on life support until someone gives up on finding the root of the problem which I knew all along what it was but couldn't tell anyone and pulls the plug, unable to tell anyone what is happening and advocate for myself, die before they even get a chance to hook me up to life support or end up under the knife of a surgeon who has absolutely no clue how to do the surgery I need and what modifications and special precautions need to be made for someone with EDS and I will die on the table like a few others I know or the last scenario, where I will have the surgery, wake up from it and it will be so botched that I’m one of the ones walking around with broken hardware, screws drilled into my spinal cord and paralyzed from the neck down, in more pain than I am now and the damage is too extensive to be repaired.

It's so important for the patient and their family to have very extensive knowledge of the condition since it's very complex and there are a lot of things that can go wrong at any given time. It's important to know what symptoms you are experiencing at any given time are associated with or at least the ability to know what medical emergencies are more common in EDS patients and the ability to narrow it down to 2 or 3 possibilities because most medical professionals don't learn about EDS or learn very little.

Just to put the complexity of the condition into perspective let's say you wanted to buy a book that taught you about diabetes and it was 500 pages long but you wanted to also buy a book on Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and be just as knowledgeable by the time you finish about EDS as you are when you finish the book on diabetes, there are about 15 common comorbidities of diabetes and about 250 common comorbidities of EDS. Diabetes can affect a handful of other organ systems however EDS effects every single part of the body so if you wanted to be just as knowledgeable about EDS as you would about Diabetes after reading a 500 page book about it and its comorbidities, given they were only allowed to give you more basic knowledge of comorbidities, say 10-15 pages per comorbidity, depending on its complexity and the rest on Diabetes you would have to read about 4,573 pages and that's only for hypermobile form of EDS which is broken down into trifecta so I gave 15 pages to each comorbidity of diabetes, were going to assume this book is on type 1 diabetes given there are 2 types of diabetes and 13+ types of EDS so after giving 15 pages to the comorbidities the remaining was for the condition itself. Since hypermobile is usually seen in the trifecta I had to multiple the remaining pages by three then add 15 pages for each comorbidity to get the total number of pages and even this is a very rough estimate since we need to consider how many organ systems are involved in each and how complex the comorbidity.

In most medical textbooks EDS is not listed at all or is only condensed into a few paragraphs at the very most while learning about collagen and connective tissue so if anyone in the medical field learns about it at all its very very little, so little that they can easily forget those one or two paragraphs they read our of the thousands of pages they read during medical school.

Now I know it sounds like I’m talking bad about my parents but that's not the case at all. My parents are incredible and so much better with my condition than a lot of others. They may not know the ins and outs of this but they know I am not faking anything, I’m not exaggerating, they know, especially with my PTSD, that if I go to the hospital I am pretty darn sick and know when to make me go if I continue refusing to go to the hospital. They don't want to talk about it or admit it so will often downplay the fact that death can happen very easily and at any time and I am not going to live an average life expectancy. They may avoid talking about it or downplay it but I know they know just how serious this is but they already lost their son and don't want to lose their daughter so avoid the topic.

They refused to let me be sent to a nursing home or long term care facility when we were told I could no longer live alone and brought me into their house. They help me with a lot of my needs. Heck, my mom has given me baths as an adult because I have been too sick to do so. My mom helped with training Maggie to be a service animal, making sure I made it to all of her classes, helping me teach tasks I struggled with due to being in a chair, using her commands so she gets practice and doesn’t forget what she has learned. My dad not so much. He's a softie that has let every animal we have ever owned, own him. If it were up to him to do the training, Maggie probably wouldn't even be house broken yet if I’m totally honest lol. They have taken on so much with me and though I appreciate it more than they could ever know I also feel terrible guilt surrounding all that they do.

They have to drive me everywhere. The safety of public transportation in America for people on Medicare is downright deplorable. Only one agency contracted by Medicare has seat belts for wheelchair users, most of the vans are from the 90s and not up to code. They are actually so old that someone who is disabled isn't even allowed to buy one for personal at the age the ones the state provides transportation in here in Ohio because they don't meet the safety requirements even for the minimum amount of insurance yet a cab company is allowed to purchase and insure them to transport the disabled in. Its one of those things where it's illegal for the members of the state but the rule doesn't apply to the government kind of things. Their extremely dangerous, I have been in ones in my 425 lb. wheelchair, with my112 lb. self my 17 lb. service dog in her one or two pounds of gear and a backpack on the back of my chair with my meds and maybe some food and a drink in it to take to a doctors appointment so maybe another 10 or so lbs. of weight, riding in a van and staring through the rust holes in the floor looking at t the rusty parts under the van and the pavement of the highway underneath me, hoping to god the floor doesn't give way to all of this weight so I don't fall through.

I've been in two accidents with drivers, most of these drivers smell of mamajuana when they come and one of them had a rink that had a little tiny canister on it (If I remember I’ll post a picture I secretly took of it” at a stop light he opened the little can, poured white powder into his hand, used his other finger to brush it into a pile in his palm and then snorted it up his nose. I have ridden in vans someone threw up all over, one that the door to the wheelchair lift had 3 of its 4 hinges rusted all the way through so when the driver opened the door he had to hold it with one hand because it was hanging on there sideways like a broken cabinet door with only the bottom hinge still attached, got me up the lift then shut the door, came inside and used a bungie, hooking it in a hole that it looked like was drilled into the door and then a natural hole where the raised roof of the van and the bottom of the van attaches in a hole that didn't have a bolt. It was a really windy day and on the way back, we were driving down my road, a gust of wind blew, the bungee snapped, almost hitting me in the face, the door flew open and the last hinge snapped with the door flying off and into the gutter along the side of the road. We were right down the road from my house and the driver casually said “I'll go ahead and drop you off first and grab that on my way back.” like that kind of thing happens every day or something.

I have had a driver ask to stop at a gas station and I told him that was fine thinking he needed gas. He pulled up beside the end pump and instead of getting gas we sat there for about 3 minutes when another guy in a red truck pulled up along the side of the building. The driver got out of the van and went around the side of the building where the truck was. All I could see was the back of the truck sticking, about a minute later my driver came out from behind the truck, sticking something in his front pocket, the truck left and then we left. I was hoping to god it was just his brother or roommate or someone giving him some money for lunch or something but for real, a wallet goes in the back pocket and what he had was smaller than a wallet since you couldn't see what was in his hand and most people carry plastic these days so I’m pretty sure I was just hoping it was lunch money out of wishful thinking because with along the side of the building out of view of most of the public and all it seemed pretty sketchy to me.

Anyhow my parents do a lot, they drive me to appointments when they can to try to keep me out of the appalling care of the state, they let me live with them, they provide a lot of care, cooking, doing my laundry, vacuuming and doing a lot of the things that I feel like I should be doing for them at their age. It really does make me feel extremely guilty and like a terrible person. They help with Maggie taking her out just to help me out even though I can usually take her out myself unless it's icy or snowy since she basically takes herself out lol. I can go in the yard with her in the late spring to early fall when it's warm and dry out so my power chair won't sink into the mud. They will pick up food at the store or meds for me they do a lot and with my mom having EDS too, I have seen my mom go down hill a lot since her botched surgery that left her on life support so I hate asking either of them to do anything or for help. My dad is almost 66 and my mom, though 8 years younger gets around worse than my dad does so it's really hard to need so much care and feel like I put it on them, especially when my home health aid was taken away when the pandemic started but of course most of the home health aids I had were so English incompetent's and fresh out of countries where they didn't have stoves or washers and dryers and what not, living in huts that they don't know how to use modern appliances or understand me when I relay my needs which actually made things oftentimes harder with a home health and than without one as my parents were always coming home to fixing messes the aids made too.

With all that being said, here is my advice to parents of kids with suspected EDS. Get them diagnosed as early on as possible. Do lots of research, I know it's a pain and may be a lot of work but the more you know about the condition the better. Don't stop there, learn your rights and laws around medical care and disability rights as well as techniques for advocating for your child. Get them on a 504 plan at their school so they can get the accommodations they need. Learning disabilities aren’t uncommon and the prevalence of high functioning autism is incredibly high in EDS patients so if you suspect they may have a learning disability fight for a diagnosis and have that added to the 504 plan. A 504 plan isn't just for learning disabilities, it can be for physical disabilities as well.

You don't want to caudle you child of course and many don't have a lot of severe symptoms as kids but make sure the plan accommodates for things such as food allergies, if they have POTS or low blood sugar make sure they have it in their plan to be able to bring their own food, be able to eat in class. I know on mine, I was allowed to use the teachers lounge microwave during lunch to heat food brought from home and they allowed me to use the bathroom in the nurse's office if I needed it. You can ask for things like that they not be punished for arriving to class after the bell within reason, especially if the school is large and they may have several classes on the opposite side of the building as their locker so they aren't forced to carry books for multiple classes or for them to have two sets of books, one that they keep at home and one that is in each classroom they attend class in so they aren't having to carry heavy books around or teased for having a backpack on wheels. This is one thing I would have really liked to have written into my IEP as a kid if I had been lucky enough to get diagnosed sooner. If they are more symptomatic, more prone to injury or have VEDS they may have more needs.

Again you don't want to be a helicopter parent and want them to do as much stuff for themselves as it is safe for them to do and want them to have all the experiences other children do but if gym is an issue you can request they don't participate in high contact sports or even have it put into their IEP that they can swap gym out for another elective like music, art or home economics class or in the lower grades where they may not have options for alternative electives you can ask if they have any teachers or aids available during that time frame who can create somewhat of a study hall for the younger child, helping them with their homework, studying for tests, able to sit there and let the child read a book to them and help them with any words they struggle with or even just play some educational games with them or let them play an educational game on the computer.

Some schools also offer physical therapy for kids, especially the ones with developmental delays who may not be mainstreamed and the therapy replaces gym for them. Even if your child has cognitive abilities cohesive with their age, you could see if they are allowed to join therapy with those children. With being able to do so much online now, I have heard of some requesting that on their bad days the teachers live stream them into their classroom so they can participate in class from home when needed or if the child needs a surgery or has a doctors appointment they can live stream in instead of going to school or live stream in part of the day before or after an appointment, going to school the other half of the time. You may also request extended time on homework like instead of turning it all in the next day, ask that they have the week, for example, they have to have all homework turned in from that week by the following Monday so say they are having a really bad day Wednesday and in a lot of pain or very fatigued and can only get their math homework done but not their English, science and history. They will be able to work on that homework throughout the week possibly adding the English to their Thursday homework, the science to their Friday homework and catch up on the history over the weekend so they at least aren’t failing or losing credit on homework if there are a few days a month where they are really struggling or not feeling well.

Another reason I suggest learning everything you can and really fighting for a diagnosis early is because if you work you are more likely to have a PPO insurance plan which covers a lot more than Medicare. You can get some things that Medicare won't cover out of the way in case the child has a possibility of being disabled as an adult. Genetic testing is one thing you really want to try to get done as a child as hospitals in some states like my own will not do genetic testing for EDS on adults unless they have another family member who has tested positive for one of the rarer forms of EDS.

You don't want to be in the situation I am where you have four doctors sure you have Vascular form and have been fighting to get you tested, your brother died before he had any testing, your uncle had an aortic aneurysm and died never getting diagnosed, you were referred to a geneticist who won't test you because you are under 21 and no one in you family has tested positive on genetic testing for VEDS, your mom is referred to genetic testing after coming out of a coma and being on life support after a major organ rupture that almost took her life and turned away for the same reason and your grandfather is referred and turned away leaving multiple members of the family suspected of having EDS but no one able to be tested because we are all over the age of 21 and I can’t have children nor would I want to because of the fear of passing this down to them there will not be anyone under the age of 21 to get tested in order for us to get tested so your stuck without a diagnosis. This is why you need at least a hypermobile diagnosis so you have time to fight for the genetic testing to ensure it isn’t a more serious type, especially if a doctor suspects it.

If your child has severe enough symptoms you can also get them listed as disabled under the state in order to get extra financial aid to cover medical needs not covered or special equipment like gait trainers or possibly a power chair for school and a manual chair at home It can cover the cost of tutoring and several other things insurance may not cover. If they grow up and work for so many years and end up getting worse, needing to go onto SSDI their SSDI it will also make it so that their payout will be higher if its on record that they were disabled before the age of 18.

Having a child with a complex health condition, especially when the condition is rare can be a lot of work and very stressful at times. Definitely learn everything you can and fight for a diagnosis for your child. If you suspect you may have the condition fight for a diagnosis for yourself as well. The sooner anyone starts treatment and can get regular screenings such as those for aortic dissection the more they can prevent damage early on and also prevent life threatening complications so that’s my advice to any parent out there.